A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, “My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for it?”
“Well,” said the vet “let’s have a look at him” The vet picks the dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes.
“Well,” says the vet “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“Just because he’s cross-eyed?” say’s the man.
“No, because he’s heavy,” says the vet.
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A old snake goes to see his Doctor.
“Doc, I need something for my eyes…can’t see well these days”.
The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he’s very depressed.
Doc says, “What’s the problem…didn’t the glasses help you?”
“The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I’ve been living with a water hose the past 2 years!”
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A blind man was standing on the corner with his dog when the dog raised his leg and wet on the man’s trouser leg.
The man reached in his pocket and took
out a doggie biscuit, which he fed to the dog.
A busy body who had been watching ran up to him and said, “You shouldn’t do that. He’ll never learn anything if you reward him when he does something like that!”.
The blind man retorted, “I’m not rewarding him. I’m just trying to find which end is his mouth so that I can kick him in the ass”.
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There was a labrador, a dalmation and a doberman. they were all in a doggy bar and a girl poodle walks in. she said to the 3 dogs “whichever one of you can say the best sentence with liver and cheese in wins a date” so the labrador says ” i like cheese but i don’t like liver” not good enough said the girl poodle. Then the Doberman said “I like liver but i don’t like cheese” but it still wasn’t good enough so the dalmtion said ” liver alone cheese mine” he lost because it was the cheesiest joke she had ever heard. None of them got the date!
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