Little Johnny was sitting in his first sex ed class one day when the teacher drew a picture of a penis on the board.
Does anyone know what this is? she asked.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, Sure, my daddy has two of them!
Two of them?! the teacher asked.
Yeah. He has a little one that he uses to pee with and a big one that he uses to brush mommys teeth!
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10. Damn, my shaft is bent.
9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk .
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
7. Look at the size of his putter.
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I cant get a good grip.
2. Nice stroke, but your follow-through leaves a lot to be desired.
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in golf isnt
1. Hold up! I need to wash my balls first.
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Jose and Carlos are panhandling at the freeway off ramp.
Jose drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day.
Carlos asks Jose how he can bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day.
Jose says, Look at your sign. It reads: I have no work, a wife & 6 kids to support
Carlos looks at Joses sign.
It reads: I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico
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He began his day with an 8lb walleye on the first cast and a 7lb on the second. On the third cast he had just caught his first ever walley over 11 pounds when his cell phone rang.
It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that hed be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best day ever on the water. He decided to get in a couple of more casts before heading to the hospital. He ended up fishing the rest of the morning, finishing his trip with a stringer like hed never seen, with 3 walley over 10 pounds.
He was jubilant……….then he remembered his wife.
Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wifes condition.
The doctor glared at him and shouted, You went ahead and finished your fishing trip didnt you?! I hope youre proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself on the pond your wife has been languishing in the ICU!! Its just as well you went ahead and finished because it will be more than likely the last fishing trip you ever take! For the rest of her life she will require round the clock care. And youll be her care giver forever!
The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.
The doctor then chuckled and said…. Im just fuckin with ya. Shes dead. Whatd you catch?
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