A minister was driving along and saw a woman on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The minister had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The woman looked at him and immediately said, Reverend, remember Psalm 129?

The minister was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.

Further on while hanging gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The woman once again said, Reverend, remember Psalm 129?

Once again the minister apologized. Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.

Arriving at her stopping point, the woman got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the minister rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It Said, Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.

Moral of the story: Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity.

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A sales representative, an administration clerk and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, I usually only grant three wishes, so Ill give each of you just one.

Me first! Me first! says the admin clerk. I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. Poof! Shes gone.

Me next! Me next! says the sales rep. I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life beside me. Poof! Hes gone.

Okay, youre up, the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, I want those two back in the office after lunch.

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

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A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean it, prepare it, and serve the deer meat for dinner. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and wont eat it if they know what it is, so he doesnt tell them. His little boy keeps asking him, Whats for dinner dad?

Youll see, he replies. They start eating dinner and his daughter keeps asking him what they are eating.

Ok, says her dad, Heres a hint. Its what your mother sometimes calls me.

His daughter screams …. Dont eat it, Jimmy! Its a fucking asshole!

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A cowgirl walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.

She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.

The cowgirl replies, Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that wed drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So Im drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself. The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, I dont want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.

The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs. Oh, no, everybodys just fine, she explains, Its just that my husband and I joined the church and I had to quit drinking. Hasnt affected my sisters, though.

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