A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. Wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, she decided to go the party.

Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said:

Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.

Did you dance much?

I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you’re not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to…….”

……………..

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Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’s sales pitch.

Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: “If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don’t have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.”

“Now,” he concluded, “who do you think they are going to send into battle first?”

……………..

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A guy walks in to a bar,sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
The bartender gives him his drink.

The guy says to the bartender,
“I’ll bet you $50 that I can bite my ear!”

The bartender says, “All right.”

The guy takes out his false teeth and bites his ear. The bartender pays him his $50.

The guy orders another drink. The bartender returns with his
drink and sets it on the bar.

The guy says to the bartender,
“I,ll bet you $50 that I can lick my eye!”

The bartender smiles and says, “I
know you can’t do that.”

The guy takes out his false eye,
licks his eye and puts it back in.
The bartender pays the guy $50 and walks away mad.

The guy gets up and mingles for a while. Twenty minutes later the guy sits back down at the bar and orders another drink. The bartender comes back with his drink.

The guy says to him “How would you like a chance to win your $100
dollars back?”

The bartender looks at him and
says, “All right what are you going to do this time?”

The guy says, “You take that beer
mug and slide it all the way down the bar,and I,ll pee in it and won’t miss a single drop.

The bartender accepts and slides the mug down the bar.

The guy starts pissing and pisses all over the bar, on the cups ,the whiskey,just everywhere.

The bartender says [with a smile],
“You owe me a hundred dollars”!

The guy pays him and walks away.

Twenty minutes later the guy returns to the bar with a smile,
and orders another drink.

The bartender brings him his drink and says,”Why are you so happy you just lost a hundred dollars?”

The guy says, “Well, you see those 3 guys over there? I bet them $200 a piece that I could piss all over your bar and you wouldn’t get mad!”

……………..

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. After a couple of sips he looks up and sees a woman sitting at the end of the bar.

He calls the bartender over and says he’d like to buy the lady a drink. The bartender says “Listen pal, let me save you some trouble. She’s a lesbian”.

The guy takes a second, thinks it over, shrugs his shoulders and says “that’s ok. I’d like to buy her a drink anyway.”

So the bartender brings the woman her drink.

The woman lifts her glass and gives the man a nod of thanks.

The guy gets up from his bar stool and saunters over to the woman. As he’s sitting down on the stool next to her he says, “So, what part of Lesbia are you from?”

……………..

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