A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.

“Certainly, sir, that’ll be 1 cent.”

“One penny!” exclaimed the guy.

The barman replied, “Yes.”

So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, “Could I have a nice juicy T-Bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?”

“Certainly sir,” replies the bartender, “but all that comes to real money.”

“How much money?” inquires the guy.

“4 cents”, the bartender replies.

“Four cents!” exclaims the guy. “Where’s the man who owns this place?”

The barman replies, “Upstairs with my wife.”

The guy says, “What’s he doing with your wife?”

The bartender replies, “Same thing I’m doing to his business.”

……………..

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A very drunk man goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender serves him and asks him if he would like to try the bar game of darts. Three in the bullseye and win a prize.. Only a dollar for three darts.

The drunk agrees and throws the first dart. A bullseye!! He downs another drink, takes aim on wobbly feet, lets go…

Two bulls eyes!!! Two more quick drinks go down. Barely able to stand, he lets go of the last dart.

Three bulls eyes!!!

All are astounded. No one has ever won before. The bartender searches for a prize… grabs a turtle from the bar’s terrarium and presents it to the drunk as his prize.

Three weeks pass… The drunk returns and orders more drinks, then announces he would like to try the dart game again.

To the total amazement and wonderment of all the local drunks, he scores three more bulls eyes and demands his prize.

The bartender, being a sort of drunk himself, and a bit short of memory, doesn’t know what to give, so he asks the drunk, “Say, what did you win the last time?”

And the drunk responds, “A roast beef sandwich on a hard roll!”

……………..

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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in the bar and asks if he could by him a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply.

The first man then asks, “Where are you from?”. “I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man. The first man responds, “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.”

“Of course,” replies the second man, and they both pour back their drinks. Curious, the first man asks, “Where in Ireland asre you from?”

“Dublin,” comes the reply.

“I can’t believe it says the first man.

“I’m from Dublin too Let’s have another drink to Dublin!” the men both continue drinking.

Curiosity strikes again and the first man asks, “What school did you go to?”

“St. Mary’s,” replied the second man. “i graduated in ’62.”

“This is unbelivable, “the first man says. “I went to St. Mary’s and i grduated in ’62, too!”

About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

“What’s been going on?” he asks the bartender.

“Nothing much” replies the bartender. “the O’Mally twins are drunk again.”

……………..

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A drunken man staggers into a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.

The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies: “No use knockin’ mate, there’s no paper in this one either.”

……………..

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