If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content

If you drink don’t park, accidents cause people.

BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

……………..

Get some great Gift Ideas at GiftWeblog.com !

A blonde woman goes into a department store and tells the salesman she wants a pair of pink curtains. He assures her they have a good selection of pink curtains. He shows her many textures, prints and hues of pink fabrics. Once she has finally picked out a pink floral pattern, the salesman asked her “What sizes do you need?”

She replies “15 inches.”

He exclaims “15 INCHES?! What room are they for?” She says, “I only need one, and it’s not for a room. It’s for my computer monitor.”

The surprised salesman exclaims, “Miss, computers do not have curtains.”

The blond says “HELLOOooooooo…. I’ve got Windows!”

……………..

Find the best dating sites on the net at FreshPersonals.com !

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?

……………..

Get bargains at BargainRampage.com and save on electronics.

One night a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone else left the bar and drove of. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0 The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”

……………..

Casual Dating at CasualD.com is where you go for casual hookup with local adults.