Roger just got a new rifle and is all excited about it. So, he goes bear hunting in Alaska. The first bear he sees is a little brown bear, and he kills it with his first shot. There is a tap on his shoulder, and he turns around to see a big black bear. The black bear says “You’ve got 2 choices. One, I maul you to death or Two, we have sex.” Roger bends over for the bear. He’s sore for 2 days, but he recovers and vows revenge. Roger heads out on another trip to Alaska and he finds the black bear and kills him. At that moment there is a tap on his shoulder. A huge grizzly is standing right behind him. The grizzly says, “That was a big mistake. You’ve got 2 choices, “Either I maul you to death or we have sex.” Roger bends over. He survives, but he’s really hurting and takes quite a bit of time to recover, and, he’s outraged. Sure enough, he heads back to Alaska and finds the grizzly and shoots him at point blank range. There’s a tap on his shoulder. He turns around to find an enormous polar bear, and the polar bear says; “You don’t really come here for the hunting, do you?”

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There was a guy sitting at a bar, just staring at his glass.

A truck carrying liquor arrives. The trucker comes in, orders a drink and says to the bartender,
“Lookit that guy over there. He won’t drink his beer. I’ll go drink it 4 ‘im.”

He walks over to the man, grabs his glass and gulps the drink down.

The man starts crying, and the trucker says “Ah, ya dum’ bloke! bartender, get this loser a drink!”

The man replies, “No,no,no, it’s not that! First, I fell asleep at work again, so my boss fired me,

then, while I was heading home my car broke down, so I had to walk home.

Then my wife said, ‘I don’t want you so please leave.’

Then I came here and wasted all my money drinking, and there you go drinking my POISON!!!”

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Joe was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, “I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday – she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I’m stumped.”

His buddy said, “I have an idea – why don’t you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it – she’ll probably be thrilled.”

So the that’s what Joe did.

The next day at the bar his buddy said, “Well? Did you take my suggestion?”

“Yes, I did,” said Joe.

“Did she like it?” His buddy asked.

“Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling “I’ll be back in an hour!!”

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An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.

The Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result.

He figured he’d crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that would sober him up.

Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 5 blocks to his home.

When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.

When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, “So, you’ve been out drinking again!”

“What makes you say that?” he asked, putting on an innocent look.

“The pub called — you left your wheelchair there again.”

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