Joke of the Day – New ceo

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, “And how much money do you make a week?”

A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, “I make $300.00 a week. Why?”

The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, “Here’s four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don’t come back!”

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?”

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, “Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”

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Joke of the Day – Door to door salesman

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

“Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”

“&&** off!” said the old lady. “I haven’t got any money” and she tried to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

“Don’t be too hasty!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.” And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse poop all over her hallway carpet.

“If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse poop from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.”

“Well,” she said, “I hope you’ve got a mighty good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning.”

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Joke of the Day – Breakfast chores

A little boy comes down for breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores.

“Not yet,” said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he’s a little ticked off, so when he feeds the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow. When he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

“How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon, and why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks.

“Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren’t getting any milk.”

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, “You gonna tell him or should I?”

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Joke of the Day – No parent left behind

These are notes written by PARENTS in an Arkansas school district.. (Spellings have been left intact.)

1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take pe today. please execute him.

2. Please exkuce Mona for being absent she was sick and I had her shot.

3. Dear school: Please ecsc’S Johnny’s being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

4. Please excuse Lorrie from jim today. she is administrating.

5. Please excuse Ronald from p.e. for a few days. yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. Todd has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carl was absent yesterday because he was playing football. he was hurt in the growing part.

8. Meg could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chri! s will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse Gary Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse Peter from being absent yesterday. he had (diahre, dyrea, direathe), the sh**s.

12. Please excuse Tom for being absent yesterday. he had diarrhea, and his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse Jack for being. it was his father’s fault.

15. I kept Bill home because she had to go christmas shopping because i dont know what size she wear.

6. Please excuse Jenny for missing school yesterday. we forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. we thought it was sunday.

17. Betty won’t be in school a week from Friday. we have to attend her funeral.

18. Please excuse Jonathan for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

19. Please excuse Mandy for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

20. Please excuse Terry. She has been sick and under the doctor.

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