There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.
The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, “Hi, my name’s Joe, I’m here for Flo. We’re going to the show, is she ready to go?” The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.

The next lad arrived and said, “My name’s Eddie, I’m here for Betty, we’re gonna get ome spaghetti, is she ready?” Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.

The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, “Hi, my name’s Chuck…. –” and the farmer shot him.

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Once there were three bats. They lived in a cave surrounded by three castles. One night the bats made a bet to see who could drink the most blood.
The first bat comes home one night and has blood dripping off his fangs. The other two bats are amazed and asked how much blood he had drunk.

The first bat said, “See that castle over there? I drank the blood of three people.” The second bat goes out on his night and comes back with blood around his mouth. The other two bats are astonished and ask how many people’s blood had he drunk. The bat said, “See that castle over there. I drank the blood of five people.”

The third bat goes out on his night and comes back covered in blood. This was totally amazing to the other two bats. They ask how much blood he drank. The 3rd bat said, “See that castle over there?” and the other bats nod. “Well,” says the third bat, “I didn’t.”

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An elephant was walking through the jungle one day when it suddenly stepped on a thorn, wedging it between its toes. Being in too much pain to continue, the elephant lay down and began to cry.
Shortly after, an ant came across the elephant and asked why she was crying. “I have a thorn in my foot and it’s too painful to walk,” cried the elephant.

The ant thought a minute and offered a deal: “I’ll pull the thorn from your foot, if you let me have my way with you.”

“Okay, I’ll do anything,” whined the elephant. “Just get the damn thorn out!”

The ant pulled the thorn out, then mounted the elephant and began to hump away. Two monkeys in a nearby tree witnessed the whole thing and were laughing their asses off. They started throwing coconuts at the elephant, and finally one hit her square in the head. The elephant yelled, “YEOUCH!”

The ant said, “Yeah, that’s riiight, take it all bitch!”

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1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.

2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

5. Married men live longer than single men – but married men are a lot more willing to die.

6. Any married man should forget his mistakes – there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change & she does.

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

10. There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage & after marriage.

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