Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest senator and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?

A: The old drunk, of course; the other three don’t exist.

Recently, I was at a professional football game supporting my favorite team. My seat wasn’t the greatest, so when i noticed a vacant seat on the fifty yard line 10 rows up, I headed towards it. I asked the man sitting next to it if the seat was taken. He replied, “No”.
I started talking to the man and I learned he owned the seat I was in. He said, “My wife use to love to come to these games until she died.”

“Why didn’t you give this seat away to a friend?” I asked.

He replied, “Because they are all at her funeral.”

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An old man goes to see the doctor and gets some tests. When the results come in, the doctor calls the old man in and says, You’d better sit down. It’s pretty bad.
The old man, naturally, gets all nervous and asks, What is it, Doc? Don’t hold back — just give it to me straight.

Well, says the doctor, you have cancer and you have Alzheimers.

The man replies, Wow. Well, at least I don’t have cancer.

……………..

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What does a blonde say after having multiple orgasms?Great work, team!