Joke of the Day – Do Not Listen To Him
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Joke of the Day – Do Not Listen To Him

A couple had been married for many years, and their son had gotten old enough to date. One day the boy brought a girl over to diner. The mother was thrilled with her son’s choice and couldn’t wait for the wedding. However, the father was upset and, eventually, the boy asked, Dad, why don’t you seem happy with her. Mom likes her a lot.

The father explained, No son, there’s nothing wrong with the girl. It’s just that I cheated on your mother a long time ago, and the girl you’ve been dating is my daughter by that woman.

So the boy dumped her and found himself another girl. Again, he brought her home to the mother’s delight, but the father again told him this girl was actually his half-sister. The boy lost his temper and told his mother what his father had said.

Furious, the mother shouted, Don’t listen to him, sweetheart! He isn’t even your father!

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Joke of the Day – Real Classified ads
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Joke of the Day – Real Classified ads

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.

FREE PUPPIES.. Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog…able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat . Been out a while. Better be a big reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES California grown – 89 cents lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. Worn once by mistake . Call Stephanie.

And the best one:

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows everything.

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Joke of the Day – Big Brass Gong
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Joke of the Day – Big Brass Gong

Newfie was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night.

He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

‘What’s with that big brass gong?’ one of the guests asked.

‘It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock,’ the Newfie replied.

‘A talking clock? Seriously?’ asked his astonished friend.

‘Yup’ replied the Newfie.

‘How’s it work?’ the friend asked, squinting at it.

‘Watch’ the Newfie replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, ‘You asshole! It’s three-fifteen in the morning!’

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Joke of the Day – Rude Parrot
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Joke of the Day – Rude Parrot

David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully-grown with a bad attitude and terrible vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren’t expletives were, to say the least, rude.

David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude. He was constantly saying polite words and playing soft music; he tried everything he knew. Nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird got madder and ruder.

Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming horrible expletives. Then, suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto David’s extended arm and said, “I’m sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions, so I ask for your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior.” David was astounded at the bird’s change of attitude and was about to ask what had changed him . . . when the parrot continued, “May I ask what the chicken did?”

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