The Indians on the Aamjiwnaang First Nation reservation in Grand Bend asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the Canadian Weather Service and asked, ‘Is the coming winter going to be cold?’

‘It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,’ the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the Canadian Weather Service again. ‘Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?’

‘Yes,’ the man at Weather Service again replied, ‘it’s going to be a very cold winter.’

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the Canadian Weather Service again. ‘Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?’

‘Absolutely,’ the man replied. ‘It’s looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we’ve ever seen.’

‘How can you be so sure?’ the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, ‘The Indians are collecting an astounding amount of firewood !’

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A blonde boards a plane, flying economy. Once the plane has taken off, and the seatbelt signs have turned off, she gets up, takes her stuff, and moves a few rows forward to an unoccupied first class seat.
One of the cabin crew approaches her, and politely says “excuse me madame, but you can’t sit here. This is a first class seat, and you’ve only paid for an economy seat. I must kindly ask you to return to the seat you paid for.”

She looks up at the attendant, and quite pompously announces “I’m young, I’m beautiful, I’m flying to Los Angeles, and I want to fly first class, so I’m not moving.”
The attendant retreats, somewhat flustered. He speaks to the cabin chief, who approaches the woman and tells her the same thing: “madame, please return to the seat you bought.”
The same response… “I’m young, I’m beautiful, I’m flying to Los Angeles, and I want to fly first class. I’m not moving.”

The cabin chief speaks to the cockpit crew. The copilot smiles and says, “don’t worry – I’m married to a blonde, I know how to speak to them.” He calmly gets up and approaches the woman, asking her to move. Same response. Then he bends down and whispers something to her, whereupon she promptly gets up, takes her belongings, and returns to her original seat.

The cabin crew are stunned. The chief approaches the copilot and asks, “what the hell did you say to her?!”
“It’s quite simple really. When she said she was flying to Los Angeles, I said: yes madame, but you see, first class isn’t going to Los Angeles, only economy is.”

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Interviewer: How much amount of milk does your cow produce?
Farmer: which one, black one or white one?
Interviewer: Black one
Farmer: 2 litres per day.
Interviewer: And the white one?
Farmer: 2 litres per day.
Interviewer : Where do they sleep?
Farmer: The Black one or the. White one?
Interviewer: The black one
Farmer : In the Barn
Interviewer: And the White one?
Farmer: In the Barn
Interviewer: Your cows look healthy… What do
you feed them?
Farmer: which one..black one or white one?
Interviewer: Black one
Farmer: Grass
Interviewer: And the white one?
Farmer: Grass
Interviewer: (Annoyed?) but why do you keep on asking if the black one or the white one when your answers are just the same??

Farmer: Because the black one is mine.
Interviewer: And the white one?
Farmer: Its also mine.

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A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said: “Look, you’ve got a lot to live for. I’m off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take good care of you and bring you food every day.”
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, “I’ll keep you happy, and you’ll keep me happy.”

The girl nodded ‘yes.’ After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a life-boat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain.
“What are you doing here?” the Captain asked.

“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she explained. “He’s taking me to Europe, and he’s screwing me.”

“He sure is, lady,” said the Captain. “This is the Staten Island Ferry.

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