FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.

FREE PUPPIES.. Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog…able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat . Been out a while. Better be a big reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES California grown – 89 cents lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. Worn once by mistake . Call Stephanie.

And the best one:

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows everything.

……………..

Loco Domains has .com domains for only $10.99!

Newfie was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night.

He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

‘What’s with that big brass gong?’ one of the guests asked.

‘It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock,’ the Newfie replied.

‘A talking clock? Seriously?’ asked his astonished friend.

‘Yup’ replied the Newfie.

‘How’s it work?’ the friend asked, squinting at it.

‘Watch’ the Newfie replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, ‘You asshole! It’s three-fifteen in the morning!’

……………..

Check out Jalore.com for Cialis, Viagra, Propecia, Lipitor and more! Visit the Online Pharmacy.

David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully-grown with a bad attitude and terrible vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren’t expletives were, to say the least, rude.

David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude. He was constantly saying polite words and playing soft music; he tried everything he knew. Nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird got madder and ruder.

Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming horrible expletives. Then, suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto David’s extended arm and said, “I’m sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions, so I ask for your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior.” David was astounded at the bird’s change of attitude and was about to ask what had changed him . . . when the parrot continued, “May I ask what the chicken did?”

……………..

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

The Washington Post’s Style Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year’s winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding a stupid person that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

10 Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an a–hole.

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com