A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. While driving home from the dealer in her new car she cuts off a semi, almost driving it over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle in the dust and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up the blondes leather seats. He turns around and sees that she’s smiling. So he goes to his truck, gets out his baseball bat, and starts smashing her windows and denting the car. He looks over and sees that shes laughing. Hes really mad now, so he takes the knife and slashes the tires. He looks back again to see that the blonde is laughing so hard that shes about to fall over. He demands, “What is so freaking funny?!?!” She then takes a deep breath and says, “Every time you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle!”

……………..

Check out Jalore.com for Cialis, Viagra, Propecia, Lipitor and more! Visit the Online Pharmacy.

Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo mama so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours for a quote!

Yo mama so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!

Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!

Yo mama so ugly Ted Danson wouldn’t date her!

Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

Yo mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!

Yo mama so ugly people go as her for Halloween.

Yo mama so ugly she scares the roaches away.

Yo mama so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo mama so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow

Yo mama so ugly she has to sneak up on a glass of water

Yo mama so ugly she walked into a huanted house and came out with an application

Yo mama so ugly she look like she fell out the ugly tree and hit every limb on the way down.

Yo mama so ugly when she walks by a toilet it flushes itself.

Yo mama so ugly when she was born the doctor slapped her mom

Yo mama so ugly that when she stcks her head out of the car window the police say “No dogs allowed to drive!”

Yo mama so ugly I’ve seen better face on a can of dog food

Yo mama so ugly I flushed the toilet and she said “You just flushed my picture”

Yo mama so ugly she asked me what my sign was I said “stop”

Yo mama so ugly the tide wouldn’t take her out

Yo mama so ugly she makes her picture every time she goes to the bathroom

Yo mama so ugly when she takes a shower it’s like “Gorillas in the Mist”

Yo mama so ugly ugly when she put her ear to her bowl of rice crispies to hear snap, crackle, pop, all she could hear was “lets get the hell out of here”

Yo mama so ugly when she goes camping the bears light a fire to keep HER away!

Yo mama so ugly she wears her halloween mask everyday.

Yo mama so ugly she made profit for the “idea” of her costume!

Yo mama so ugly when she goes Halloween shoppin’, People try to buy her!

Yo mama so ugly when she can scare a hungry bulldog off the back of a meatwagon.

Yo mama so ugly when the doctor gave her a face lift, he got a hernia.

Yo mama so ugly when she played in the sandbox, the cat tried to cover her up.

Yo mama so ugly she models for Kibbles and Bitts.

Yo mama so ugly when she was born they slapped the wrong end.

……………..

Loco Domains has .com domains for only $10.99!

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, “What a great chest you have!” He tells her, “That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.” He takes off his pants and the blonde says, “What massive Calves you have!”

The body builder tells her, “That’s 100 lbs. Of dynamite, baby.”

He then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running out of the Apartment screaming in fear.

The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies, “I didn’t want to be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was !!!!!!

“““““

Dating Haven personals at DatingHaven.com

Recently, when I went to McDonald’s I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

“We don’t have half dozen nuggets,” said the teenager at the counter.

“You don’t?” I replied.

“We only have six, nine, or twelve,” was the reply.

“So I can’t order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?”

“That’s right.” So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

—————

The paragraph above doesn’t amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those “dividers” that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn’t get mixed.

After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the “divider” looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, “Do you know how much this is?”

I said to her “I’ve changed my mind, I don’t think I’ll buy that today.”

She said “OK” and I paid her for the things and left.

She had no clue to what had just happened.

—————-

A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM “thingy.”

—————–

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. “Do you need some help?” I asked.

She replied, “I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can’t get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?”

“Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?” I asked.

“No, just this remote thingy,” she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, “Why don’t you drive over there and check about the batteries. It’s a long walk.”

—————–

Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, “I’m almost out of typing paper. What do I do?”

“Just use copier machine paper,” the secretary told her.

With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on t he photocopier and proceeded to make five “blank” copies.

“Life is tough. It’s tougher if you’re stupid.”

……………..

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com