An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution…

“You don’t want to try these techniques at home.”

“Why not?” asked somebody from the audience.

“I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She would make lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her ‘Hon, why don’t you try carrying several things at once?'”

“Did it save time?” the person in the audience asked.

“Actually, yes” replied the expert. “It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven”.

“””””

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A scrawny teenage boy asks his muscular friend how he gets so many girls to sleep with him.

The muscular friend says, “Here’s what you do: next time there’s a party, get a large potato and stick it down your pants and act normal. You’ll see – that’ll turn you into a chick magnet.”
A minute later, all the girls at the party run away from the scrawny kid, screaming and laughing and pointing.

The muscular friend sees this and comes over to his scrawny friend. “Dude,” he says. “You have to put the potato in the front.”

“””””

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Wife: “How would you describe me?”

Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK.”

Wife: “What does that mean?”

Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.”

Wife: “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?”

Husband: “I’m just kidding!”

“””””

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You’ve all heard of the Air Force’s ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as “Area 51?” ?Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their “secret” base.

They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot’s story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel.

The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn’t a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying “you-did-not-see-a-base” briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading and sent him on his way.

The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again.
Once again, the MP’s surrounded the plane…

Only this time there were two people on the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said,

“Do anything you want to me, but my wife is on the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!”

“””””

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