One day a boy named Agaf was incredibly horny. He loved the queen. Just one suck of those huge firm tits would make him happy for life. He went to the village elder (wise man) to find out how to cure his quarms.

“I need to suck the queens breasts,” Agaf said. “How much are you paying?” the elder asked. “Nothing is free!” “A million pounds,” Agaf lied. He was going to get the suck and then not pay becase once he had the suck nothing else mattered. “OK.”

So the elder sneaked into the castle and poured some itching powder into the queens bra. The itch would last two whole days. When the queen put on her bra a horrible itch ran around her breasts. She was screaming all through the night. The pain was obsurd.

In the morning the king had had enough of the screaming so the king asked the elder for help, as you do! Everything was going to plan so far!

“Elder,” the king said. “My wife is in immense pain because she has got a pain in her breasts.” “I know what to do!” the elder said. “Go to the hut of Agaf. He is the only one wth the magical saliva to cure the itch. You will have to let him suck your wifs breasts for ten minutes and tommorow it will have gone.” The king wasn’t happy about this but he agreed.

So Agaf was called up and he sucked them for ten minutes flat, and the itch stopped that night because it only lasted for two days anyway.

So then the elder called in Agaf and said, “You got your wish. Now pay me!” “No chance wanker!” Agaf said and walked out.

So the elder thought long and hard for a punishment, something that would be bad for Agaf. He thought and thought, until he got it… He would put itching powder in the kings underpants!

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There was an old cowhand who owned a small ranch in Montana .

The Montana Wage &Hour Dept. Claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

“I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded the agent.

“Well,” replied the rancher, “There’s my ranch hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board.”

“The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 per week plus free room and board.”

“Then there’s the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.”

“That’s the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,” says the agent.

“That would be me,” replied the rancher.

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Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are 22 questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

“Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?”

“The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?”

“Were you present when your picture was taken?”

“Were you alone or by yourself?”

“Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?”

“Did he kill you?”

“How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?”

“You were there until the time you left, is that true?”

“How many times have you committed suicide?”

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you? A: I went to Europe, Sir. Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: You were not shot in the fracas? A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? A: I have been since early childhood.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

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The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, “What a great chest you have!” He tells her, “That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.” He takes off his pants and the blonde says, “What massive Calves you have!”

The body builder tells her, “That’s 100 lbs. Of dynamite, baby.”

He then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running out of the Apartment screaming in fear.

The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies, “I didn’t want to be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was !!!!!!

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