After a great night of love making, a man in bed turns and spots a picture of another man on the lady’s table. “Who is that? You’re husband?” he asked nervously, “No” the lady replied. “Your boyfriend? Surely its your boyfriend” “no” she said.

“is it anybody you have had any relationship with?” he asked even more nervously. “No silly! you look so hot when you’re frustraited”. “Then who the hell is it?!!?” he cried. The lady replied,

“Me before surgery”

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Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady: No, I didn’t stop him.

Defense Attorney:

Why not?

Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney Why not?

Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so “spicy” that I just laid down and told him “Take me, young man. Take me now!”

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, “April Fool!” And that’s when I shot him, the little bastard

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When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, it did some astronaut training near a Navajo Indian reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question which his son translated. What are these guys in the big suits doing? A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got very excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused.

They then took the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed but refused to translate the elders message to the moon.

Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. He reported that the message said, Watch out for these guys. They have come to steal your land.

……………..

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“Passionate kiss like spider’s web – soon lead to undoing of fly.”

“Virginity like bubble. One prick – all gone!”

“Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.”

“Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.”

“Man with one chopstick go hungry.”

“Man trapped in whore house get jerked around.”

“Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.”

Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!”

“Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.”

“Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!”

“War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.”

“Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.”

“Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night.”

“Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!”

“If you park, don’t drink, accidents cause people.”

“It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.”

“Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!”

“Man who sit on tack get point!”

“Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!”

“Man who lives in glass house should change in basement.”

“Boy who go to bed with sexual problem wake up with problem in hand.”

……………..

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