This is a true story about a wedding and a little thing called revenge.

It was a huge wedding with about three hundred guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on the stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming. He especially wanted to thank the bride and groom’s families for coming and for providing such a fabulous reception.

He said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. So taped to the bottom of everyone’s chair was an envelope; He said that this was his gift to everyone, and that everyone should open them at the same time. Inside each envelope was an eight by ten picture of his best man having sex with the bride.

He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective. After he stood there and watched the people’s reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to his best man and bride and said, “Fuck You!” then turned to the crowd and left. He had the marriage annulled 1st thing Monday morning.

Most people’s would break off the engagement right away after finding about the affair, this guy went through with it anyway, as if nothing was wrong. His revenge was making the bride’s parents pay over forty thousand dollars for three hundred people at a wedding reception. Letting everyone know exactly what did happen. Best of all, trashing the bride’s and best man’s reputations in front of all of their friends and their entire families!

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A little boy walks into his parents’ room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, “What were you and Dad doing?”

The mother replies “Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it.”

“You’re wasting your time, ” said the boy.

“Why is that?” asked his mom, puzzled.

“Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up.”

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A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits.

One day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine. “Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these,” announced the teacher. Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their mouths, every one of the children was stumped.

“I’ll give you a hint,” said the teacher. “It’s something your Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time.” Instantly, one of the children spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and shouted, “Spit ’em out, you guys, they’re assholes!”

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Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.

“Didn’t you say at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?” Asked the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the…”

“I didn’t ask for any details,” The lawyer interrupted, “Just answer the question. Did you not say at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’?”

Farmer Joe said, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…”

The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”

By this time the judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say.”

Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ol’ Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a highway patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.” He said, “Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?”

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