Many of us “Old Folks” (those over 50, WAY over 50, or hovering near 50) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We are unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to Conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together And should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals 2. Spiked hair and bald spots 3. A pierced tongue and dentures 4. Miniskirts and support hose 5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads 6. Speedo’s and cellulite 7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar 8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor 9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge 10. Bikinis and liver spots 11. Short shorts and varicose veins 12. Inline skates and a walker

And last, but not least…my personal favorite

13. Thongs and Depends

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A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, ” Why then don’t you eat the peanuts yourself?”.

“We can’t chew them because we’ve no teeth,” she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, “Why do you buy them then?”

The old lady replied, “We just love the chocolate around them.”

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First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, “In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.” For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. “Go ahead and do the same thing,”! he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.”

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An attractive blonde and a handsome man step into the same elevator. The blonde sighs happily and says ‘TGIF’, and is surprised when the man replies ‘SHIT’. The blonde thinks perhaps he didn’t hear her correctly, so she repeats it once again: ‘TGIF!’ and once again the man replies ‘S H I T’. Finally, the blonde explains ‘Sir, TGIF – Thank God it’s Friday!’ Stepping out of the elevator, the man smirks and says ‘S H I T – Sorry honey, it’s Thursday.’
 
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