A blond gets a job at a tickle me Elmo factory. About a week after she is hired, the department manager comes into the boss’s office yelling and screaming about all how bad the blond is doing. So the boss walks over to where the blond is, and sees her siting at the end of the toy line and has got it all backed up. She has a pair of scissors in her hand and a bag of marbles in her lap, and she is cutting holes between the legs of the elmos.

The boss just begins to laugh histericaly and falls on the floor, holding his gut. When he finally gets up, he tells the blond, “you are suppose to give the elmos two test tickles, not to testicles!!”

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Bubba was Alabama’s star lineman. He was great at football, but not at academics. The principal was letting it slide until one day he decided that Bubba’s grades HAD to be better. They decided to make him take a test. It was only one math problem. Everyone wanted to support Bubba out in the stands, so they held the test in the middle of the football stadium, so everyone could see. His math teacher went out to the center of the field with Bubba. It was test time. The teacher said, ”Ok, Bubba. What is six plus three?” Bubba sat and thought. Then he said, ”nine,” confidently.

But out in the stands, everyone was yelling, ”Aw, c’mon. Give him another chance!”

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A judge asks a defendant to please stand. “You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw.”

From out in the audience a man shouts, “You lying bastard!”

“Silence in the court!” the judge shouted back. He turns to the defendant again and says, “You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel.”

“You goddamned tightwad!” blurted the spectator.

“Quiet!” yelled the judge. “You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill.”

“You cheap son of a…” the man starts to shout.

The Judge thunders back, “If you don”t tell me the reason for your outbursts right now, I will hold in contempt!”

“I”ve lived next to that lying bastard for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a goddamned tool when I needed to borrow one!”

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A chinese man rings work and says ” Me can’t come in to work me sick” His boss says “When I’m sick I fuck my wife, try that?”

Couple hours later the chinese man calls works and says “Me better! You got nice house.”

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