Joke of the Day – Lil Johnny goes to his dad and asks

Lil Johnny goes to his dad and asks, What is politics? Dad says, Well son, let me try to explain it this way. Im the breadwinner of the family, so lets call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so well call her the Government. Were here to take care of your needs, so well call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, well call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense.

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nannys room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, Dad, I think I understand what politics is now.

Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are.

The little boy replies, Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.
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Joke of the Day – captured by cannibals

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, I brought ten apples. The king then explained the trial to him. You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or youll be eaten.

The first apple went in…. but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1….2….3….4….5….6….7….8…. and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it? The second one replied, I couldnt help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.
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Joke of the Day – A Blondes Year in Review

A Blondes Year in Review:

January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels……Helllloooo!!!……bottles wont fit in printer !!!

March – Got really excited……finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months……box said 2-4 years!

April – Trapped on escalator for hours …… power went out!!!

May – Tried to make Kool-Aid……wrong instructions….. 8 cups of water wont fit into those little packets!

June – Tried to go water skiing……couldnt find a lake with a slope.

July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition…… learned later,the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!

August – Got locked out of my car in rain storm…… car swamped because soft-top was open.

September – The capital of California is C……isnt it???

October – Hate M & Ms……they are so hard to peel.

November – Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days …. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!

December – Couldnt call 911 …… duh…… theres no eleven button on the stupid phone!!!

What a year!!

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Joke of the Day – local church

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. Reverend, she said, I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. Its very embarrassing. What should I do?

I have an idea, said the minister. Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg.

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you? he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

Jesus!, Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones, said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. Who is your redeemer? he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

God! Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

Right again, said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and Ill break it in half and shove it up your ass!

Amen, replied the congregation.

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