When I cam home last night from work, I asked my girlfriend…
Hey can you dress up as my favorite Star Wars character for some sexy roleplaying fun.
I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,
“Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favorite Star Wars character” I exclaimed,
“Fuck off” She shouted “I haven’t got dressed yet”
“””””
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Two old men are sitting in a bar.
One of them looks at the other & says
“You look familiar… where you from?”
The second old man replies “Ireland”
The first old man looks astonished & says
” No way I’m from Ireland myself, what a small world!”
The second old man then looks at the first “What city?”
The first old man says “Dublin?”
The second old man looks astonished
“No way I’m from Dublin meself! What a small world.”
The first man looks at the second old man “What school you go to?”
The second old man replies
“Saint Mary’s class of 89”
The first old man is absolutely baffled
” NO WAY Saint Mary’s class of 89 myself! What a small world!”
At this point, another man comes into the bar & says to the bartender
“Hey, Joe! Anything interesting going on?”
The bartender says
“Not really… but the Murphy twins are drunk again.”
“””””
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One winter day, when Ole was ice fishing on the lake, he accidentally got his left foot stuck under the ice for thirty minutes. Eventually he realized he had developed severe frostbite, and so he paid a visit to Dr. Svensson.
Dr. Svensson informed Ole that he would need to have three toes amputated. Ole was clearly upset at the news, letting out several “Uff da!”s in a row. So the good Doctor tried to console him. “Don’t worry, Ole! It’s not all bad news. As long as Lena doesn’t mind, I’m sure you could make a lot of money as a porn star. You betcha!”
Ole was confused and asked, “really?” “Ya,” replied Dr. Svensson. “It’s yust like they said about Yohn Holmes. Everyone loves a man who’s got a foot and a half!”
“””””
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A soldier shows up for military training but realizes he forgot to bring his gun.
The sergeant hands him a stick and gestures to the training field.
“You’ll have to use this, soldier. If you need to shoot someone, just aim your stick at them and shout ‘Bangity bang-bang’. If someone gets too close to you, poke them in the gut with it as though it was a bayonette and shout ‘Stabbity stab-stab’. Now get moving.”
The soldier thinks this is pretty ridiculous, but to his surprise, when he aims his stick at a fellow trainee across the field and shouts “Bangity bang-bang!” the other soldier goes down in a theatrical display. Then, another trainee tries to run past him, so he pokes the guy in the ribs and shouts “Stabbity stab-stab!” and he too goes down, pretending to be dead.
So, the soldier starts running through the mock-battlefield, shouting “Bangity bang-bang” and occasionally “Stabbity-stab-stab”, until eventually he realizes he’s the last man standing.
He’s feeling pretty proud of himself until another soldier rounds a corner and starts walking toward him. Slowly. Stiffly. Menacingly.
The soldier takes aim with his stick and shouts, “Bangity-bang-bang!”
But the other soldier doesn’t go down this time. He keeps approaching, arms stiff at his sides, boots stomping aggressively into the ground.
The soldier begins to sweat. He clears his throat, adjusts grip on his stick and hollers, “Bangity bang-bang!”
But nothing happens. The other soldier keeps marching toward him.
Now the soldier panics. He pretends to reload his stick and desperately cries out, “Bangity bang-bang! Bangity bang-bang! Stabbity stab-stab!”
But to his dismay, nothing works.
Finally, the other soldier reaches him, kicks him in the shin and knocks him onto the ground.
He stands over the fallen soldier and says:
“Tankity tank-tank.”
——-
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