An old man with hearing problems crashed his car into a very expensive automobile. The owner of the expensive automobile jumps out and confronts the old man and says “Give me $10,000 cash or I will beat you to a pulp!”

The old man replies, “Woah wait buddy, I don’t have that much money but let me call my son, he trains dolphins.” The old man dials his son as as he is about to speak the owner of the expensive car yanks the phone out of his hand and says “So you train dolphins, well your old man just hit and damaged my car, you bring me $10,000 or I’m gonna beat the heck outta him!”

The son answers “Okay, give me 15 minutes and I’ll be there.” In exactly 15 minutes the son pulls up in a Jeep, Ten men jump out and beat the hell out of the expensive car owner. Meanwhile the son walks over to his father and says “Dad I train Navy Seals not dolphins.

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So, these two engineers are trying to determine the height of a flagpole.

A blonde woman wearing a tool belt and hardhat comes walking by, notices the engineers with their problem and goes over to help. She loosens the bolts at the base of the pole, lays it down on its side, then takes her tape measure and runs it down the side of the pole.

“26 feet 6 inches” She says to the two perplexed engineers, and then walks off. One engineer looks at the other and says, “Typical blonde. We want the height and she gives us the length!”

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A man came into a shop with a ‘Salesman Wanted’ sign in a window.
He went up to the owner and said, “I- I-I w-w-waannn-t the j-joooob-b.”

“I don’t know if this job would suit you because of your speaking impediment,”
said the owner.
“I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s-s- six k-kkkids, iiii-I re-really neeeed thi- thi-this j-j-job!” said the man.

… “O.K. Here are three Bibles. Go out and sell them.” said the owner.

So the man went out and came back an hour later. “H-here-sss your m-m- money.” said the man.
The owner was impressed, so he gave the man a dozen more Bibles and sent him out.
The man came back in two hours and said, “Her-ers y-yooour m-m-money.”

The owner said, “This is fantastic. You sold more Bibles in three hours than anyone has sold in a week. Tell me, what do you say to the people when they come to the door?”

“W-welllll,” said the man, “I r-r-ring the d-door bell, a-a-and s-s-say ‘H-Hel- Hello, M-m-maaaaddam, d-d-do you w-w- want t-t-t-to buy thi-thi-this B-B- Bible, oooor d-d-do y-you w-w-want m’me t-toooo read it t-t-t-t-to you??????

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A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.’What’s up?’ he says.’I’m having a heart attack,’ cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing. his four-year-old son comes up and says, ‘Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted’s hiding in your wardrobe and he’s got no clothes on!’

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.’You jerk,’ yells the husband, ‘my wife’s having a heart attack and you’re running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!’

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