The CEO of a large company was in need of a secretary. He spread ads all over town. A few days later, there was a knock on his door. It was a dog. He had a newspaper in his mouth. He opened it to the classifieds page and pointed to the ad that the CEO had placed. The CEO was impressed. But he thought it was a joke, so he playfully decided to test the dog:

– I need a secretary who understands the basics of computers.

The dog went to one of the secretary’s desks, climbed on the chair, turned on the router and the computer, in total tranquility. The CEO was amazed, but decided to go further:

– I need a secretary who understands spreadsheets.

The dog quickly opened Excel, grabbed a stack of papers, and started scanning names and contacts. The astonished CEO desperately followed:

– I need a bilingual secretary!

The dog replied:

– Meow.

“””””

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A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub, saying to himself, “How can I tell my wife that I have got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink?

I have managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she is bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?”

Meanwhile, the wife is sitting on the bed, saying to herself, “Now how do I tell my husband that I have got really bad breath?

I have been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he’s lived with me for a week, he’s bound to find out. Now, how do I tell him gently?

The husband finally gets enough courage to tell his wife and walks into the bedroom.

He walks over to the bed, slides to where his wife is sitting, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, “Darling, I have a confession to make.”
And she says, “So have I, honey.”

To which, he replies, “Don’t tell me, you have eaten my socks.”

“””””

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Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers; “Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.”

The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.
They never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!
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A man is flying in a hot-air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man below. He lowers the balloon farther and shouts, “Excuse me! Can you tell me where I am?”
?
The man below says: “Yes, you’re in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”
?
“You must be an engineer,” says the balloonist.
?
“I am,” replies the man. “How did you know?”
?
“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.”
?
The man below says, “You must be in management.”
?
“I am,” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
?
“Well,” says the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”