Just a friendly reminder to show respect to Ramadan. Yes, yes. I know we all like to have a good laugh about certain things. But Ramadan is a very important and sacred time for Muslims. And as a non-Muslim, I have since learned that we need treat it with some respect.

See, my next door neighbour is a Muslim. Ever since the start of Ramadan, I have been making jokes every time I see him. I’d say things like, “Hey! Lunch is on me today!” and “I bet you’d like a nice juicy steak about now!”. Sometimes I would walk to my car patting my belly after breakfast. When I went to get my mail the other day, I was eating an apple and ran into him. I took a big bite and said “mmm, so good” and laughed my arse off. Now, I though all this was just a bit of friendly banter. Just some ribbing going on between friends. But I clearly took it too far.

See, just today he comes up to me and says “Brother, I just thought I would let you know, this Friday evening my family and all our friends will be breaking fast with a huge barbeque. We will have a goat on a spit. We will be grilling steak and lamb chops all through the night. We will be cooking high quality sausages. We will be using all sorts of spices and marinades. Even with us all there, there will be more meat then we can all eat. You are more than welcome to join us”
Cheeky bastard knows I’m Catholic.

“””””

Loco Domains has .info domains for only $4.99, .com only $9.99.

President Putin is relaxing in his office when his phone rings.

“Hello, Mr. Putin!” a heavily accentuated voice stated “This is Paddy from the Harp Pub in County Cork, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!”

“Well, Paddy,” Putin responded, “This is certainly important news! How big is your army?”

“Right now,” says Paddy, after a moment’s calculation, “there is meself, me cousin Seán, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!”

Putin paused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 1,000,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.”
“Begoora!” says Paddy. “I’ll have to ring you back.”

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. “Mr. Putin, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!”

“And what equipment would that be Paddy?” Putin asks.

“Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy’s farm tractor.”

Putin sighs amused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 60,000 tanks and 50,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 1,500,000 since we last spoke.”

“Saints preserve us!” says Paddy. “I’ll have to get back to you.”

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. “Mr. Putin, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin’s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!”

Putin was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 1000 bombers and 2000 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 2,000,000!”

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” says Paddy, “I will have to ring you back.”

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. “Good mornin’, Mr. Putin! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.”

“Really? I am sorry to hear that,” says Putin. “Why the sudden change of heart?”
“Well,” says Paddy, “we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and we decided there is no way we can feed 2,000,000 prisoners.”

“””””

Loco Domains has .info domains for only $4.99, .com only $9.99.

A Texas State trooper pulled a car over on I-35 about 2 miles south of Waco Texas. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Austin Texas to do a show for the Shrine Circus. He didn’t want to be late.

The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn’t give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn’t have anything to juggle.

The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.

While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the State Troopers car. A drunken good old boy from central Texas got out, watched the performance, then went over to the Trooper’s car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him and went over to the State car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, “You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain’t no way I can pass that test.”

“””””

Loco Domains has .info domains for only $4.99, .com only $9.99.

“Daddy, I fell in love & I am dating this awesome girl!”

Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?”

Son: “It’s Cindy, the neighbor’s daughter”.

Father : “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Cindy is actually your sister.”

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later
Son : “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!”

Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?”

Son: “It’s Amy, the other neighbor’s daughter.”

Father : “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Amy is also your sister.”

This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying.
Son : “Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because daddy is their father!”

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

“My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him. He is not your Father.

“””””

Rubber Dating at RubberDates.com is where you go to meet women that love rubber jumpsuits and plastic pants.