Dugly and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, and every year Dugly would say, “Edna, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.”

Edna always replied, “I know Dugly but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks.”
One year Dugly and Edna went to the state fair and Dugly said, “Edna, I’m 85 years old, if I don’t ride that helicopter, I may never get another chance.”

To this Edna replied, “Dugly, that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks.”

The pilot overheard the couple and said, “Folks I’ll make you a deal, I’ll take the both of you for a ride, if you can both stay quiet and don’t say a word, I won’t charge you guys a penny! But if you say one word, it’s fifty bucks.”

Dugly and his wife agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers m, but not a word was heard. He did these daredevil tricks over and over again, but still nothing.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Dugly and said, “By golly I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t, I’m impressed!”

Dugly replied, “ Well, to tell you the truth, I almost did when Edna fell out, but you know, FIFTY BUCKS IS FIFTY BUCKS!!”

“””””

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A very tall man walks into a bar…and a lady recognizes him as a pro Rugby player. They start to talk and eventually go back to his place.

They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK. “What’s that for?” the lady questions. “Oh, I have this so that when I’m on TV, people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me.”

Then the man takes off his trousers, and on his leg, he has a tattoo that says NIKE. ‘What’s that ?’ the lady questions again. “Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid when this tattoo is seen on TV.”

Then the man drops his underwear and on his penis he has a tattoo that says AIDS. The lady screams: “Don’t tell me you have AIDS!” The man replies: “No, no…!!! Calm down…!!! It will say ADIDAS in a minute.

“””””

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70 year old man goes into a brothel. He picks out a young pretty woman, they go up to her room, strip down and climb into bed.

The old man performs like a teenager, the prostitute is amazed at how energetic and agile he is, she tells him if he can do it like that again, she’ll give him one for free.

He says “Yeah, I can, but I need to take a 20 minute nap, and while I’m asleep, I need you to hold my old pecker.” She agrees, he wakes up 20 minutes later and goes at it again, just as vigorously as before.

The girl is amazed at the old man’s stamina, and repeats her freebie offer, the old man tells her that once again, he’ll need a 20 minute nap and she’ll have to hold his dick while he’s asleep. She does as he asks, he wakes up 20 minutes later and he goes at it again, with even more enthusiasm than previously.

The hooker catches her breath, and needing to satisfy her curiosity, asks the old man “I can understand why you need the nap, but why do you need me to hold your dick while you’re sleeping?”

The old man replies “Oh, that’s just so you don’t steal my wallet.”

“””””

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Fred came home from University in tears. “Mum, am I adopted?” he asked.

“No of course not,” replied his mother. “Why would you think such a thing?”

Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city.

Perturbed, his mother called her husband. “Honey, Fred has done a DNA test, and… and… I don’t know how to say this… he may not be our son.”

“Well, obviously!”

She gasped. “What do you mean?”

“It was your idea in the first place! You remember, that first night in hospital when the baby did nothing but scream and cry and scream and cry. On and on. And you asked me to change him. I picked a good one I reckon. Ever so proud of Fred.”

“””””

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