It was a dark and rainy night and our hero’s car had broken down right in front of an old looking mansion.
After knocking, an old Chinese man came to the door. “ I was wondering if it’s at all possible you might have a room for me for the night. I will be out of your hair the next morning and on my way to the service station.”

The old Chinese man says, “ I am honored to extend my hospitality to you, but be warned, my 22-year-old daughter is staying with me. She is young, impetuous, wild, and she is strictly off-limits. Any man who violates her honor will have the three Chinese torture tests administered to him.”

Giving his word and just wanting a warm bed, the man is shown up to his room on the second floor. After getting settled down, there’s a knock at the door. Upon opening, the Beautiful 22-year-old Chinese daughter steps in the doorway. “ Is there anything I can get you?” She says with a mischievous grin, loosening her robe.
He decides, “What the hell, I’ll take on any torture test for a night with this fox” and he enjoys himself thoroughly………

The next morning, he wakes up alone and notices that it’s a bit tough to breathe. Opening his eyes, he sees a large stone on his chest with a sign that reads:

“1st Chinese torture test – 30 pound stone on chest.”

Snorting in derision and thinking if this is the type of BS the old man was talking about then it was totally worth it, he carries the stone to the window to toss it out. After he does, he notices another sign hanging outside the window from the roof that reads:

“2nd Chinese torture test- left testicle tied to 30 pound stone.

Looking around, he realizes he only has a few seconds before the string is going to get…….tightened. Thinking quickly, he decides to just jump out the window. “No problem, I can untie the string when I hit the ground” he thinks.

His blood runs cold however, when he sees the third sign on the side of the house on the way down that reads:

3rd Chinese torture test- right testicle tied to bedpost.

“””””

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A farmer went to a local bar and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman sitting next to him said, ‘How about that? I just ordered champagne, too!’ ‘What a coincidence’ the farmer said. ‘This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.’… This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,’ said the woman.’

‘What a coincidence!’ said the farmer. As they clinked glasses he added: ‘What are you celebrating?’ ‘My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!’ ‘What a coincidence!’ said the man. ‘I’m a chicken farmer and all last year my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying eggs again.’

‘That’s great!’ said the woman, ‘How did your chickens become fertile?’ ‘I used a different cock,’ he replied. The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said ‘what a coincidence’!

“””””

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After having the 10th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough since they could not afford another kid.

So the husband went to his doctor and told him the he and his wife didn’t want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but it was expensive.

A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a empty beer can and then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The guy said to the doctor, “I may not be a smart man, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.” He wanted a second opinion so he visited a doctor in Georgia.
That doctor began to speak of a vasectomy, but seeing his patient was from Alabama, he told him to go home and get a cherry bomb light it and put it in a empty beer can and then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

Since the second doctor told him of the same procedure of the first doctor he decided that it MUST work. So the man went home, lit the cherry bomb and put it in the beer can.

He held the can up to his ear and began to count: “1,2,3,4,5” at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

“””””

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2 college students accidentally miss the math final exam. The next day they both went to plead with their professor. He was feeling pretty good that day so he allowed them to retake it. He told them to both come back tomorrow for an oral exam. When they both showed up he told one of them to wait outside while he tests the other. So one enters and the other puts his ear to the door to listen. The professor begins asking the question:

“You are riding in a train cart and you get too hot. What do you do?”

The student replies “I open the window.”

“Ok. Now that window is 2 feet wide and 3 feet high. The train is traveling 50 mph going north and the wind is blowing at 15 mph due east. How long will it take for new air to replace the old air in the cart?”
The student is clearly confused at this impossible question and just answers “I don’t know”. So the professor gives him an F, dismisses him, and calls in his friend.

He begins asking his friend “you are riding in a train cart and it gets too hot. What do you do?
He says “I take my jacket off.”

“Ok. But its still too hot. What do you do?”

“I take my shirt off.”

“I understand but its very, very hot.”

“I will just get naked.”

“Ok. But there’s a guy in front of you getting a hard on by watching you strip naked!”

The student replies: “Professor, the entire train can fuck me in the ass I am NOT opening that window!”

“””””

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