A mother puts her two sons to bed, before they fall asleep.

The older brother tells his little brother, “I think it’s time we started cussing.”

The younger brother asks, “Well what are you going to say?”

The older brother responds, “I’ll say, Hell.”

The younger brother says, “Okay, I’ll say ass.”

The next morning the mother asks her oldest son, “What do you want for breakfast?”

He proudly tells his mother, “Oh, Hell I’ll have some Corn Flakes.”

So, she slaps him, then asks her younger son, “What do you want?”

He adamantly responds, You bet your ass it’s not Corn Flakes!”

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Two married buddies are out drinking one night in Miami. One turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!”

His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife’s ass and say, ‘How about a blowjob?’ ….And she’s always sound asleep.”

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Father and son are walking through the dog park when they spot 2 dogs having sex.

The son asks “Daddy what are they doing”? After some thought the father thought it was time for the boy to learn about sex. He says to his son “Son, they are making puppies”.

Later that night the boy had questions and walked into his parents room who thought he was asleep and having sex. The next morning the son asks his dad what his dad and mom were doing.

Not wanting to lie to his son he replies “Honestly, we were making babies”. After some thought the son replies “Next time flip her over I want a puppy”.

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A guy goes in for a job interview to further his career.

He sits down with the interviewer.

The interviewer asks him, “What do you think is your worst quality?”

The man says “I’m probably too honest.”

The interviewer says, “That’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.”

The man replies, “I don’t care about what you think!”

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