to a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and high heel shoes came to his table and asked if he was ready to order:

“What would you like, sir?”

He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame from her hair to her shoes, then answers, “A quickie.”

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.

After she regains her composure she returns and asks again,
“What would you like, sir?”

Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers,
“A quickie, please.”

This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding “SMACK!” and storms away.

A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers,

“Um, I think it’s pronounced ‘QUICHE.'”

“””””

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An old millionaire is asked how he gained his wealth. He says: “When I was a young man in the middle of the Great Depression, all I had was five cents.

With that five cents, I bought an apple, shined and scrubbed it all day, and at the end of the day, I sold it for ten cents. With the ten cents, I bought two apples, scrubbed and shined them all day, and at the end of the day, I sold them for twenty cents.

This went on for a week. Then my uncle died and left me twenty million dollars.”

“””””

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At a Russian communist party meeting, an officer is drilling a local worker.

He asks him: “Comrade, if you had two houses, would you give one to the Communist Party?”

The worker responds “Yes, definitely, comrade, I would give one of my houses to the party!”

Then he asks “Comrade, if you had two cars, would you give one to the party?”

Again, the worker says, “Yes, I would give one of my cars to the party!”

Finally, the officer asks, “If you had two shirts, would you give one to the party?”
“Nyet!”

The officer asks “But why? Why won’t you give one of your shirts to the party?”

The worker says: “Because I HAVE two shirts!”

“””””

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Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary Muscle Contraction’ to first-year medical students.

This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, ‘Do you know what your asshole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?’

She replied, ‘Probably golfing with his buddies.’

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.

“””””

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