One day a man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window.

As the lady parted her legs, the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, “Oh my god, help me, there’s a bee in my vagina!” The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.

The doctor thought for a moment and said “Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit.” The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife’s vagina.

The doctor said “Okay, what I’m going to do is rub some honey over the tip of my penis and insert it into your wife’s vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis, I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife’s vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval. The lady said, “Yes, whatever, just get on with it.” So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, entered the woman.

After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, “I don’t think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should try further.” The lady began to quiver with excitement, moaning aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself. The husband became very annoyed and shouted, “Now wait a minute! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” The doctor, still concentrating, replied, “Change of plan. I’m gonna drown the bastard!”

“””””

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Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.” Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.”

Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Six.” Teacher:

“Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven!”

Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!” Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”

“””””

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I was desperate and I couldn’t get a date with a girl to save my life until. I swiped right on a dating app for a blind date profile picture. She asked me to pick her up, so i did, but I wasn’t expecting much. I went up to the door expecting 400 lbs of desperation, but she answer the door 5 foot 2 with baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde curls and all the right curves in all the right places. I said WOW and gave her my name. She gave me hers, so i asked what she did.

She said “I’m a Sunday school teacher.”

I said “Well, I Ain’t never been with a Christian woman before but I’m open minded about the whole affair.”
So we got in my Corvette and i peeled rubber. I was trying to impress her now. I headed to the fancyest place in town that didn’t take reservations. I asked her if she’d like to smoke a joint while we wait.

She said “Heavens no! What would i tell my sunday school children?” And I apologized.

I figure weed’s 50/50 some people do some people don’t, so i took a few puffs and then we got a table.
She ordered the lobster, I ordered the steak. I asked for the 2nd most expensive bottle of wine on the list, but when our waiter came to pour it, she declined saying “Heavens no! What would I tell my Sunday school children?”

I knew right then and there it was a bust. We ate our pricey meals. We talked and laughed. Had a great time at dinnet bur I drank that whole pricey bottle by myself thinking her Christ was one helluva cock blocker.
So I’m driving her home and we pass a cheap motel. I figure I’ve got nothing left to lose, so I say “Why don’t we get a room and fuck like bunnies?”

She says “I thought you’d never ask!”

I say “really? What will you tell your Sunday school children?”

She says, “The same thing I tell them every week…

YOU DON’T HAVE TO DRINK AND SMOKE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME!!!”

“””””

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I encountered a MILF at a bar last night

although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy

we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time

then, she asked me flirtatiously

“have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?”

I said, “Nope, not yet”.

She drank a little more, and said, “well, darling, tonight is your lucky night.”

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys

opens her door

turn on the light

and she yells towards upstairs

“Mom, are you still awake?”

“””””

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