A woman rings at neighbour’s door. A man opens the door.

Woman: “Hey, I just moved in, and I am just applying wallpaper in the kitchen. I just saw yesterday that you freshly papered you kitchen as well, and I thought you may be able to help me out. How many stacks of paper did you buy to do the job?”

Man:”Well yes, of course! I bought 18 stacks of paper.”

The woman thanks the man and goes on to buy 18 stacks of paper. When she was finished with the kitchen she returns to the neighbour.

Woman:” well thanks again for the advice, I am done and the new kitchen looks awesome! I am just wondering, I still have 8 stacks of paper left…?”

Man:”Yeah, me too.”

“””””

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A woman woke up in the middle of the night and found that her husband wasn’t there beside her.

She went downstairs and found him sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee and looking thoughtful.

“Honey, what’s wrong?, she asked.

He replied, “Well do you remember when we were dating?”

“Yes”

“And do you remember the first time we had sex?”

She smiled and answered, “Of course.”

“And you remember how your Dad caught us.”

She laughed and replied, “Oh god, yeah!”

“And since I was 18 and you were 17 how he threatened to send me to jail for twenty years if I didn’t marry you?”
“Uh huh. What of it?”, she asked.

He let out a sad sigh, “I would have gotten out today…”

“””””

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A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were sitting around discussing their daughters…

Brunette: “I found empty beer cans in my daughter’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s drinking!”

Redhead: “Well, I found cigarette butts in my daughter’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s smoking!”

Blonde: “And I found used condoms in my daughter’s bedroom. I can’t believe she has a dick!”

“””””

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A small church had a very attractive big-breasted organist, Penny, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.

Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.

The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Penny very discreetly about the problem, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on her nipples and over her breasts.

This should cause them to shrink in size, but warned her not to taste any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up, and you won’t be able to talk properly for a while.

The big-breasted organist reluctantly agreed to try it.

The following Sunday morning the minister walked up to the pulpit and said, “Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday”

“””””

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