The year is 2028 and the United States has elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish president, Sarah Goldstein.

She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says, “So, Mom, I assume you’ll be coming to my inauguration?”

“I don’t think so. It’s a ten-hour drive, your father isn’t as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.”
“Don’t worry about it, Mom, I’ll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.”

“I don’t know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmantzy; what on earth would I wear?

Sarah replies, “I’ll make sure you have a wonderful gown, custom-made by the best designer in New York.”

“Honey,” Mom complains, “you know I can’t eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.”

The President-to-be responds, “Don’t worry Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York; kosher all the way Mom, I really want you to come.”

So Mom reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2029, Sarah Goldstein is being sworn in as President of the United States. In the front row sits the new President’s mother, who leans over to a senator sitting next to her and says, “You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States?”

The senator whispers back, “Yes, I do.”

Mom says proudly, “Her brother is a doctor.”

“””””

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Two bowling teams, one all blondes, one all bruneettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

The brunette team rides on the bottom level of the bus, the blonde team rides on the top level.

The brunette team, down below, is whooping it up and having a great time until one of them realizes she doesn’t hear anything from the blondes upstairs, and she decides to investigate.

When the brunette reaches the top, she finds the blonde team staring straight ahead at the road, frozen in fear, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

“Whats going on up here?” asks the brunette. “We’re having a great time downstairs!”

“Yeah,” screams a terrified blonde, “but you’ve got a driver!”

“””””

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A man was teaching his wife golf. The wife struck the golf ball so hard that it went to the neighbours house and they heard a crash like it broke something.
Embarrassed and apologetic, they go over to the neighbours house and let themselves in.

They see a broken vase on the ground and a man standing near it.

Before they can make sense of anything, the man says “Thank you for freeing me. I am a Genie and I had been trapped inside this vase for thousand of years. I shall now grant you three wishes but the third wish will be mine.”

The couple are extremely elated. The husband says, “I want $10 million in my bank account.”
The genie says, “Granted.”

The wife says, “I want a big mansion with a lot of jewellery and a lot of servants.”

The Genie says, “Granted. Now, for my wish, I would like to have sex with the wife.”

The husband has no problem so the genie fucks the wife for a long time.

As both of them are lying in the bed, the Genie asks the wife, “how old are you and your husband?”
The wife replies, “I’m 27 and my husband is 29.”

The Genie smirks, and with a grin on his face says, “And yet, you still believe in Genies?”

“””””

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A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He’s reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out on a date.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, “Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time.” Flattered, the man responds, “Sure… but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?”

“Well,” the woman says, “A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favourite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999 my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old, it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden. ”

The man can’t believe it. “I saw them play Cleveland in ’99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others’ houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!” Naturally, they’re both shocked.

“If that isn’t weird enough,” says the woman, “I noticed you’re reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain, how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He’s my favourite author”

Now the man is really taken aback, “Get out of here. I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature, this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain.”

They both can’t believe it, this has got to be a match made in heaven.

“Ok,” the woman says, “well, buckle up because here’s the icing on the cake. I noticed you’re eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favourite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we’d go up and harvest the plums with him. He’d dry them and by the time we’d go back to his place for Thanksgiving he’d always have those prunes saved just for us. They’re my favourite fruit! I love prunes, you’re eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?”

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

*”It’s a date.”*

“””””

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