Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.

A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.

I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well…until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones…and picked the worst possible one to start with.

Here’s the joke I told:

“What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath?
Throw your laundry in.”

One of the new friends instantly became enraged and swung for me. When I asked him what the hell his problem was he replied that his younger brother was epileptic and died in the bath many years ago.

Obviously I felt mortified as I didn’t know about it, and said “I’m so sorry to hear that. Did he drown?”

“No,” replied the guy. “He choked on a sock.”

“””””

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Three roughnecks – Ray, Billy, and Dugly – were working on a rig in the oilfield. While they were working one day, Ray falls off the rig tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance picks up his dead body and drives away, Billy says, “Somebody needs to go and tell his wife.” Dugly replied, “I’ll do it. I’m good with this sensitive stuff.”

Two hours later Dugly returns with a case of beer. Billy asked him, “Where’d you get the beer?” Dugly told him Ray’s wife gave it to him. Billy replies, flabbergasted, “Unbelievable! You told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?”

Dugly said, “Not exactly, Billy. When she answered the door, I asked her ‘Are you Ray’s widow’. She says, ‘You must be mistaken, I’m not a widow.'”
“And then I said, ‘I’ll bet you a case of beer you are.'”

“””””

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After years of feeling disappointment about her tits Rachel decides she needs implants.

So she went to see Dr. Smith about enlarging her tiny breasts. Dr. Smith told her, “I’ll do it, but there may be another way with no downtime in recovery! Every day after your shower rub your breasts and say, “Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.”

She did this faithfully for several months and it worked! She grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic realised she had forgotten her morning ritual.

Frightened she might lose her beautiful big tits if she didn’t recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, “Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.”

A guy sitting nearby looked at her, “By any chance, are you a patient of Dr. Smith’s?” “Why, yes I am… How did you know?” He leaned closer, winked and whispered, “Hickory dickory dock…”

“””””

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A boy asked a cute girl in a library, “Do you mind if I sit beside you”?

The girl Answered with a loud angry voice; “I don’t want to spend the night with you!!

All the people in the library started staring at the boy and he was embarrassed.

After minutes the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and said to him I study psychology and I know what man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed,right?

The guy responded with a loud voice :$400 for one night

That’s too much!! and all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears, “I study law and I know how to make someone guilty.

“””””

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