A politician visited an Indian village and asked what their needs were.

”We have 2 basic needs sir,” replied the villager.

“Firstly, we have a hospital, but there’s no doctor.”

On hearing this, the politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.

“Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in the village.”

“””””

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3 Irishmen and 3 Englishmen are buying train tickets. The Englishmen all buy a seperate ticket, 3 in total. The Irishmen however buy only one ticket for the three of them.
One of the Englishmen asks: “Won’t you guys get thrown off the train?”

“You’ll see,” say the Irish.

After riding the train for half an hour, the six men see the conductor coming into the back of their train car. While the 3 Englishmen all reach for their ticket, the Irishmen stand up and all proceed to the toilets, where the 3 of them enter a cabin. After checking the english men, the conductor walks to the toilet and knocks. After s few seconds, a ticket is shoved from under the toilet door, the conductor checks it, shoves it back and proceeds to the next train car.

The next day, the same 6 men are buying tickets. This time, the English men buy only 1. However, the Irish don’t buy a ticket at all.

Again after about half an hour, the conductor enters the car. The english men proceed to the toilets, but the Irish remain seated. After the english men entered a toilet, the Irish stand up and also walk to the toilets.

There, 2 of the irish enter the second toilet cabin, but before the 3rd irish man joins them, he walks to the cabin with the english in it, knocks on the door and says: “Conductor here, ticket please”

“””””

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Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude in a garden, while a sexy and beautiful model with big tits was nude and danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced and shook get large tits before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground.

Embarrassed, he took a few steps forward and bent over to pick up the bell. Then all the other bells started to ring.

“””””

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Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross ……
.”Something for this, I have.” Yoda says.

He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden.

“Something for this, I have.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.

Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers.

“That’s ok Master.” Luke says, wanting to be helpful. “I’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.”

So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.

He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.

“Master Yoda!” he asks. “What did I do wrong?”

Yoda replies sagely, “A Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”

“””””

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