A young woman named Buffy buys a mirror at an antique shop from a gypsy, and hangs it on her bathroom door.

One evening, while getting undressed, Buffy playfully says “Mirror, mirror, on my door, give me a beautiful big bubble butt“.

Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her butt grow into a perfect round firm booty.

Excitedly, she runs and sceams at her husband “Look at my beautiful big butt!” She then tells hi what happened, and in minutes they both return.

This time the husband crosses his fingers and says “Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!”.

Again, there’s a bright flash…and his legs fall off.

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A little boy was sitting on Santa’s lap in the mall and he told Santa, “I want a fuckin’ skateboard under my bed, a fuckin’ bike in the garage, and a fuckin’ train-set under the tree.”

Santa said, “OK,” and went over to the little boy’s parents. Santa told them, “If you really want to stop all that cussing, put a pile of dog shit everywhere he wants a present.”

So Christmas morning came around and the little boy looked under the bed, there was dog shit. He looked in the garage, dog shit. He looked under the tree, dog shit.
So later on, he’s walking down the street, pissed off with his hands in his pockets, and another kid runs up to him and says, “Hey, what did you get for Christmas?!”

The little boy replied, “I think I got a fuckin’ dog but I can’t find the damn thing.”

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Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with magnificent big breasts.

Dugly, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen’s big boobs. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Dugly revealed his secret desire to his colleague, George the Erudite lawyer, the King’s chief adviser. George thought about this and said that he could arrange for Dugly to more than satisfy his titty desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Dugly readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, George got a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen’s bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, George informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and George advised that only the saliva of Dugly would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Dugly to their chambers. George then slipped Dugly the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Dugly worked passionately on the Queen’s large and magnificent breasts. The Queen’s itching was eventually relieved, and Dugly left satisfied and hailed as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Dugly found George demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his breast obsession now satisfied, Dugly couldn’t have cared less knowing that George could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, George slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King’s underwear. The King immediately summoned Dugly.

The moral of the story : Pay your lawyers bills properly!

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The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry midterm, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:

If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct….. …leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.”
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

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