Little Johnny was told by his friends that adults have a deep dark secret and can be easily manipulated.

Johnny decides to test it. He comes home, goes up to his mother and says, “Mom, I know everything.” Mom shushes him and gives him $10.
“Just don’t tell Dad” she says.

Hey, it’s working thinks Little Johnny.

An hour later, Dad comes home from work. Johnny goes up to him and says: “Dad, I know everything.”

Dad gives Johnny $100. “Don’t tell Mom”, he says.

Just then, the mailman knocks on the door. Johnny opens it and says. “I know everything, Mister.”

The mailman drops all his mail, his eyes tear up and he says:

“Well then Johnny, come give Daddy a hug.”

“””””

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Murphy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There’s a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby. And on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.

He hears a priest come in. “Father, forgive I think its been a while since I’ve been to confession and to be sure I must say that the confessional box is much better than it used to be. The priest replies, “Get out, you idiot. You’re on my side!”

“””””

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A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, “I wish I had big boobs”.

The boyfriend says “Well what I recommend is to get some toilet paper and rub it between your boobs for about three months”.

“How will that help me get big boobs?” asks the girlfriend.

“Well it worked to make your butt big” says the boyfriend.

“””””

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A married couple are desperate for money so they decide to smuggle animals on a flight overseas to a private buyer.

The husband has a rattlesnake duct taped to his leg and puts his pants back on.

He hands his wife a skunk and tells her to hide it up under her skirt.

?Uh.. i do not know if this is a good idea.. what about the smell?” She argues.

?Don’t worry. It’ll soon get used to it”

“””””

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