Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and gets bad news. “You’ve got a rare disease and you’ve only got 6 months to live,” the doc tells him. The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he’s going to get a second opinion.

He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news. Patient is in shock and asks if there’s anything he should do.

The doctor pauses a moment and says, “Can I give you some non- medical advice?”

“Sure, anything, Doc. I’m desperate! ”

“Are you religious? the doctor asks.

“Not at all,” says the patient.

“Well,” says the doctor, “I encourage you to join the Mormon church. Go to every service, get involved with every group and small organization you can and completely immerse yourself into that religion. I mean, EVERY aspect of it you can.”

The patient perks up and is feeling hopeful. “Will that extend my life?!”

“No,” says the doctor, “But it’ll be the longest fucking 6 months you’ve ever had.”

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Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store. While they were busy looking around,doctor stole 3 chocolate bars.

As they left the store, doctor said to Engineer : “Man! I’m the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can’t beat that”

Engineer replied: “You wanna see something better? Let’s go back to the shop and I’ll show you real stealing”

So they went to the counter and Engineer said to the Shop boy: “Do you wanna see magic..?”

The Shop boy replied: “Yes..!!!”

Engineer said: “Give me one chocolate bar!”

The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it… He asked for the second, and he ate that as well.. He asked for the third, and finished that one too…

The shop boy asked: “But where’s the magic..?”

Engineer replied: “Check in my friend’s pocket, and you’ll find them..!!!”

“““““

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An Italian, a Frenchman and an Aussie were talking about screams of passion. The Italian said: “Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream with passion, non stop for five minutes.”

The Frenchman said: “Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil from Provence and then we made passionate love. I made her scream with passion for fifteen minutes straight.”

The Aussie said: That’s nothing! Last night I massaged my wife, ya’know, all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours.”

The Italian and Frenchman, are astonished, and asked?, “Two full hours?….. Wow! that’s unbelievable. How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?” The Aussie replied, “I wiped my hands on the curtains.”

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Son: “Daddy, I fell in love and want to start dating this awesome girl!”

Father: “That’s great, son! Who is she?”

Son: “It’s Sandra, the neighbor’s daughter.”

Father: “Ohhh, I wish you hadn’t said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister.”

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

Son: “Daddy, I fell in love again and this girl I’m dating is even hotter!”

Father: “That’s great, son! Who is she?”

Son: “It’s Angela, the other neighbor’s daughter.”

Father: “Ohhh, I wish you hadn’t said that. Angela is also your sister.”

This went on a few more times, and finally the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: “Mom, I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls and I can’t be dating any of them because dad is their father!”

The mother hugs him affectionately and says, “You can date whoever you want. He isn’t your father!”

“““““

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