A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter’s bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

What are you doing?” she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, “I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.”

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator.

“What are you doing?” he exclaimed.

The daughter replied, “I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.”

A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. In there, she found her husband watching the Super Bowl on television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.

“What are you doing?” she exclaimed.

He replied…………”Watching the game with my son-in-law.”

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A professor, a janitor, and the school’s principal are leaving for the day when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.”

The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After just a few minutes, he can’t take the kids’ screaming any longer, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.

The principal says “I’ll be a waitress. All you do is carry food back and forth. This’ll be a breeze.” She is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive her insane, so she smashes her plates on the ground and gives up.

The janitor says “I’d like to be an artist.” He is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, and sells it for several million dollars. The fairy asks the janitor “The other two did not go well at their job. How were you able to become so successful?”

The janitor says “I have a masters degree in art.”

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A woman ordered a dildo on Amazon and it finally arrived and she couldn’t wait to use it.

It was called The Magic Dildo. The instructions said that all you have to do is say “Magic dildo my vagina” and then it will do its thing.

So she eagerly said “Magic dildo my vagina” and sure enough the dildo floated in the air and flew up her skirt and started giving her pleasure.

It was so good that she started screaming and moaning making a bunch of noise.

That’s when her neighbor in the apartment complex started banging on her door wondering what was going on.

He said “Are you OK in there.” she came to the door and said “Yes I’m sorry, I apologize it was my magic dildo. I’ll keep it down.”

The neighbor man said “Yeah right lady there’s no such thing.” “Magic dildo my ass.”

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A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”

the husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.

He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”

“You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wife. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.

The husband climbed out of bed and counted. One, two, three, four. Damn, you’re right.

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