I’m tired. Really tired.

I’m tired. Really tired. For a couple years I’ve been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much partying, but now I found out the real reason: I’m tired because I’m overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million.

104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me.

And you’re sitting there reading jokes.

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Forgive me father, for I have sinned

Girl: “Forgive me father for I have sinned.”

Priest: “What have you done my child?”

Girl: “I called a man a son of a bitch.”

Priest: “Why did you call him a son of a bitch?”

Girl: “Because he touched my hand.”

Priest: “Like this?” (as he touches her hand)

Girl: “Yes father.”

Priest: “That’s no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.”

Girl: “Then he touched my breast.”

Priest: “Like this?” (as he touched her breast)

Girl: “Yes father.”

Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.”

Girl: “Then he took off my clothes, father.”

Priest: “Like this?” (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: “Yes father.”

Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.”

Girl: “Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where.”

Priest: “Like this?” (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: “YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!”

Priest: (after a few minutes): “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.”

Girl: “But father he had AIDS!”

Priest: “THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!”

“““““

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Husband and Wife in Moscow Russia

A woman is walking hand-in-hand with her husband on Christmas Eve In Moscow Russia.

They’re having a nice night when, suddenly, they start to feel a bit of precipitation on their faces..
The woman looks at her husband and says, “Look, dear, it’s raining.”

Her husband tells her, “No, dear, it’s snowing.” Well, this argument goes back and forth for a few minutes until they see the local Communist officer, Comrade Rudolph, walk past.

The husband says to his wife, “Look, dear, there’s Comrade Rudolph, our local Communist officer. He always knows the truth. We”l ask him!” With that, the husband shouts, “Comrade Rudolph, is it raining or is it snowing?”

Comrade Rudolph looks to the sky and says, “Raining,” the continues on.

The wife looks at her husband and says,

“See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

“““““

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Lie Detecting Robot

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night.

The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, “I did some schoolwork.” The robot slaps the son.

The son says, “Ok, Ok. I was at a friend’s house watching movies.”

Dad asks, “What movie did you watch?” Son says, “Toy Story.”

The robot slaps the son. Son says, “Ok, Ok, we were watching porn.”

Dad says, “What?” At your age I didn’t even know what porn was.” The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs and says, “Well, he certainly is your son.” The robot slaps the mother.

“““““

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