Bravest Soldier

3 army generals bet who has the bravest soldiers. The first general calls one of his men and commands him: “You see that tall flag pole? Climb to the top of it and jump down.”
The soldier is hesitant at first, but then begins to climb the pole. When he reaches the top, he jumps… but breaks a leg.

The other two generals salute the man for his bravery. The second general calls a soldier and tells him: “See that flag pole? Climb it and do a front-flip onto the ground. The man climbs the pole and performs a flip, as the general wished. Unfortunately, upon impact, the soldier tragically breaks his spine.
The generals, again, salute the soldier for his bravery. And finally, it’s the third generals turn. He calls a soldier and commands: “Soldier! Take this backpack full of bricks, climb that flag pole and perform a double back-flip onto the ground.”

The soldier laughs and replies:

“Haha, boss. Fuck you and your commands!”

The general proudly crosses his arms and exclaims:

“Guys, THIS is what I call bravery!”

——-

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A German is on vacation

A German is on vacation in America. While driving he accidentally crashes into the car of an American. The American gets out, walks to the German and yells: “Are you blind or something? Can‘t you see where you‘re going?“

The Germans replies:

“Calm down my friend. Let‘s have a quick drink to calm the nerves“

He grabs a bottle of schnapps and hands it to the American. The American takes a sip and hands it back. The German then puts the bottle back in his car.

“Aren’t you gonna drink?“ asks the American.

“No“ said the German. “I‘m waiting for the police to arrive“

“””””

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Three legged chicken

Guy driving along the highway at 70mph, sees a chicken running along side keeping up. Crazy enough the chicken has three legs! Punches it to 80, chicken stays with it then cuts off down a country road. Guy follows it into the driveway of a farm, sees the farmer.

“Did you see a three legged chicken speed in here”?

“Yeah that’s mine. I breed them that way because me, my wife, and my son all like drumsticks” the farm tells the driver.

“Wow that’s amazing how do they taste?” the guy asks.

“Dunno” said the farmer “never caught one before”.

“””””

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Hard to explain

A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed. His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.

This morning I was outside milking a cow. As soon as the bucket was full the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left foot to a pole. I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right foot to a pole too. As soon as I finished milking the cow again he knocked down the bucket with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt.

As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can’t explain.”

“””””

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