A man decides to treat himself one day and buys a ticket to the Superbowl.

He bought the ticket the day of and got a seat in the nosebleeds. He arrived a little late to the game and as he was entering the stadium he noticed a man with an empty seat right behind his teams bench. Ever the opportunist he walks over and asks the man if the seat’s taken.

“It isn’t actually,” the man replies. “You mind if I sit there?”

“It’s actually supposed to be my wife’s seat, we haven’t missed a Superbowl in 30 years.”

The man then asks why she isn’t with him.

“Well, sadly she died quite recently.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” The man says. “But you couldn’t find a single friend or family member to sit with you?”

“Unfortunately not,” the man says, “They’re all at the funeral.”

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The teacher was teaching the kids about starvation.

Being a good teacher,she decided to call on selected students to draw a picture of starvation on the board.

Sue went first, she drew a round circle with three little lines in the middle of the circle.

The teacher said, “That’s very good Sue. What is it?”

Sue said, “That’s a plate with only three carrot sticks to eat, I think that… represents starvation.”

Next went Dan, he drew a round circle with 3 dots in the middle.

The teacher said, “That’s good Dan. What is it?”

Dan said, “That’s a plate with only 3 peas to eat. I think that represents starvation.”

Johnny went next. He drew a picture of a round circle with little squiggly lines all over in the circle.

The teacher said, “That’s good Johnny. What is it?”

Johnny said, “That’s an arsehole with cobwebs…….. If that isn’t starvation, I don’t know what is.

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When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in the bathroom medicine cabinet, he asked his son about using one of the pills.

The son said, “I don’t think you should take one Dad; they’re very strong and very expensive.” “How much?” asked Grandpa.

“$10. a pill,” answered the son. “I don’t care,” said Grandpa, “I’d still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I’ll put the money under the pillow.”

Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, “I told you each pill was $10, not $110. “I know,” said Grandpa. “The hundred is from Grandma!”

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Roger, 85, married Jenny, a 25 year old. She is a lovely girl, but there is a significant age gap. So, since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms. She is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door.

Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one.

All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it’s Roger. Again he is ready for more ‘action’. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling.

When the newlyweds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it – Roger is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more ‘action’.

And, once more they enjoy each other.

But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, ‘I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.’

Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: ‘You mean I was here already?’

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