Caught Skinny Dipping

A priest and a rabbi are good friends and one night they get talking about Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden.

The conversation leads them to try skinny dipping and under the light of the moon, they find themselves in swimming in a lake with their clothes hung from a tree.

A car pulls up right next to the tree and two couples get out.

One couple are parishoners of the Priest’s, the other of the Rabbi’s.

They can’t go for their clothes, so they both run off naked, the priest using his hands to cover his penis, looks over and sees the rabbi covering his face.

“What are you doing?” he asks. The rabbi responds, “In my congregation, they recognize my face.”

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Soldier in a bunker

A soldier and his commanding officer are in a bunker.
The soldier picks up his binoculars and scans the horizon.
Soldier: “Sir! Enemy troops spotted! They look really… little.”
Officer: “Soldier, keep me informed!”

Some time passes.
Officer: “Status report soldier!”
Soldier: “Sir, the enemy troops look a little bigger.”

Some time passes.
Officer: “Status report soldier!”
Soldier: “Sir, the enemy is upon us!”
Officer: “Soldier, launch the attack!”
Soldier: “Sir, I can’t! I’ve known them since they were little…”

——-

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Woman with spectacular big boobs

A lawyer was walking down the street when he spotted a woman with spectacular big boobs. He immediately offered her $100 if she would let him bite her huge breasts. “No way!” She exclaimed.

“What about for $1000?” He persisted “No certainly not what kind of woman do you think I am?”

“You wouldn’t even do it for $10,000,” he asked. The woman was astounded. “You’ll pay me $10,000 if I let you bite my boobs?” “That’s correct.”

“Okay let’s go over to that alley.” Once in the alley she took off her blouse and the lawyer felt her breasts, kissed them, and sucked them. She was beginning to get impatient. “Are you gonna bite my tits or what?” she snapped. “No,” he said “too expensive”

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Construction crew gives job to 5-year-old

A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them “gems-in-the-rough” more or less, had adopted her as a kind of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars.

The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars “pay” she’d received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied: “I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.”

“Oh my goodness gracious,” said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week, too?”

The little girl replied, “I will if those lazy assholes from Lowe’s ever deliver the goddamn drywall.”

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