A man was travelling the countryside with his 8-year-old daughter. One particularly stormy night they were forced to take shelter in a local mansion owned by a lonely widow. The widow was happy to receive guests and was very hospitable for the two weary travellers.

The next morning the father said to his daughter:
“I have to take care of some business in the nearby town. Mrs. Sterling has kindly agreed to look after you while I’m gone. I will be back tomorrow morning. Promise to be good while I’m gone.”

“Yes father, I promise”, the little girl said, though deep down she was nervous to spend the night in the big house without her father.

Nighttime came and the widow took the little girl to her room upstairs. But not an hour had passed when the lady heard crying from the little girl’s room.

“What is it, my sweet child? Did you have a nightmare?” The widow inquired softly.

“There is someone in this room. Behind the curtains. I’m scared”, the girl whimpered pitifully.
The widow walked to the window and pulled the curtains aside.

“See? There is no one here. It was probably the draft moving the curtains as this is a very old house. Now be a good little girl and go back to sleep.”

But only a short moment had passed when the widow once again heard cries from the little girl’s room.
“My sweet child, what is it now?”

“There is someone here, I swear! I saw it in the corner. It’s a ghost”, the little girl whimpered in her bed.

“There is no one here but you and me, dear. It is probably just shadows from the old oak tree outside playing tricks with your eyes. Your father will be back with us first thing tomorrow morning. Now for the last time, be a good little girl and try to get some sleep.”

An hour passed and the widow was woken up by a knock on her door. She saw the little girl standing outside in her nightgown weeping pitifully.

“For heaven’s sake child! It’s past midnight and you should be fast asleep! What is it now?” The widow asked, exasperated.

“I saw the ghost again, miss! It won’t let me sleep. Can I come sleep next to you?”

“Now listen to me carefully, child. I have lived in this house for 389 years and not once have I seen a ghost! Now for the last time, go back to bed and try to get some sleep.”

“””””

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When I was thirteen, I dreamed of having a girlfriend who had huge tits someday. I had a big titted girlfriend when I was sixteen, but she lacked passion, so I decided I needed a passionate female who was full of life.

I dated this really passionate lady in college, but she was too sensitive. She was a drama queen who constantly wept and made suicide threats, so everything was an emergency. I concluded that I needed a girl who was stable.

At the age of 25, I met a very steady girl, but she was uninteresting. She never got thrilled about anything and was very predictable. I decided I wanted an exciting female because life had become so boring.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition

I married a brilliant, ambitious woman when I was 30 because she had her feet firmly on the ground. Because she was so driven, she got a divorce from me and grabbed everything I had.

I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.

“””””

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Two mischievous boys, aged 8 and 10, are known for causing all sorts of trouble in their town. Their mother, hoping to discipline them, asks a preacher to speak to them. The preacher agrees, but he asks to see the boys individually.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sits the younger boy down and asks sternly, “Do you know where God is, son?”

The boy’s mouth drops open, he doesn’t respond but sits there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeats the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God?!”

The boy lowers his gaze but does not answer. The preacher raises his voice further, shakes his finger in the boy’s face, and bellows, “Where is God?!”

The boy screams and runs directly home and dives into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother finds him in the closet, he asks, “What happened?” “Why are you shaking?”

Gasping for breath, the younger brother replies, “We are in BIG trouble this time.
??GOD is missing, and they think we did it!

“””””

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A man goes to the hospital. The doctors are pretty used to seeing him by now as he’s notorious for swallowing things he shouldn’t be. (the last time he was in there he’d swallowed a battery. That shocked the surgeon removing it)

So the doctor see him. “Good evening. What’s the trouble today?” The man replies, “I’ve swallowed something” The doctor looks at him, already slightly annoyed about the whole thing, and asks “Will you tell me what it is?” To which the man just says “no” So the doctor orders an x-ray. A short while later he gets the pictures back and sure enough, sitting there in the man’s intestine is a key.

The doctor looks at the x-ray, thinks for a moment, then tells the man, “well, it seems you’ve swallowed a key. It’s not perticularly large and, luckily for all of us, the point is away from the direction of travel so you should pass it naturally in the next 6 hours. I recommend you go home and wait for that to happen.”
The man looks back “I can’t do that Doctor, I’m locked out”

“””””

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