At first, God created Adam, but then a short while later, Adam started to get lonely, so he decided to go to God and let him know.

“God, I am very lonely, he said. I am in need of a companion”

“Well, how do you want your companion to be?” asked God.

“I want someone to care about me. Someone to help me sleep at night, and listen to what I have to say, and comfort me, and love me. I need someone who will be there for me and be honest with me and help me through tough situations, and would prioritize me over their personal needs. I just need someone who can make me happy.”

“I can do that, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.”

Adam pondered for a while.

“What can I get for a rib?”

——-

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How to pick up girls:

Try this:

Acquire several dozen limes.

Go up to them and then drop all the limes.

Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look the better.

Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).

Finally gather up the limes. Try looking a bit sheepish.

Look them deeply in the eyes and say, “Sorry, I’m bad at Pickup Limes.”

“““““

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Two Italian men get on a bus. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”

“You foul-mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!”

“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta sexa? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spella ‘Mississippi’.”

“““““

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Three American colonels are in the US military are about to retire and they are offered an economic compensation which consists of multiplying 100’000 dollars by the distance in inches they have between two parts of their body that they choose.

Colonel McDowell chooses this distance to be from his toe to the edge of his longest hair on his head and the result is 72 inches, so that means he gets $7’200’000.

Colonel Smith chooses the reach of his arms, that is from the tip of his right index finger to the tip of his left index finger, which results in a distance of 75 inches (so he gets $7.5M).

Finally Colonel McConaughey chooses the distance from the tip of his penis to his balls

-“Colonel, choose two parts that are more separated, you’ll win more money that way!” – says the soldier in charge of the measurement.

-“No, i’m sure these are the parts i want measured, please proceed!” – answers the colonel. The soldier then proceeds to take the measuring tape from the tip of colonel’s dick and stretches the tape to reach the balls when suddenly he stops and asks “Wait…where are your balls?!”

-“I lost them in Vietnam”

“““““

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