A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are riding in an elevator from the 22nd floor to the lobby.
The redhead notices a spot on the elevator wall and says, “That looks like a cum stain.”
The brunette leans over and smells the stain. “Smells like a cum stain,” she says.
The blonde leans over and tastes the spot, then says, “Well, it’s nobody from this building!”
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A man takes his seat at a FIFA World Cup Final
He looks to his left & notices that there is a spare seat betwen himself & the next guy.
MAN: “who would ever miss the FIFA world cup final?”
GUY: “that was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”
MAN: “oh… that’s terrible, and very sweet of you to have her here symbolically by having a vacant seat .. ..but these are expensive tickets; couldn’t you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?”
GUY: “No…they are all currently at her funeral!”
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A man is sitting in the bus at the bus stop with his head sticking out the window… Waiting for the bus to leave.. As the bus starts moving he sees a man running after it trying to catch it.. Knowing the man won’t be able to catch up he yells at the runner, “stop running so fast you’re gonna shit yourself…” The man running looks at him and bitterly says, “if only you knew who I am you’d shit yourself..” The man sitting in the bus, annoyed by this mans cockiness says, “fine, who are you?” The man running says, “I’m the bus driver.”
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One day the king had to go for a year long expedition, and knew his queen was going to have sex with everyone through the county, so he turned to his court magistrate for help.
The court magistrate showed the king a pair of metal panties, with a hole in the middle.
“Why, doesn’t that just defeat the whole purpose?” asked the King, and the magistrate promptly picked a pencil off his desk and inserted it into the hole.
“SNAP!”, the pencil had cleanly sliced into two! “Anything that enters the hole will be sliced off, sire”, said the magistrate.
Thoroughly impressed, the King instructed the Queen to wear it for the entire year and left for his expedition. Upon his return, the King called for a meeting of all his country folk.
They were all instructed to drop their pants, and the King made his rounds noticing that many were missing fingers as well as their most vital part. Then, he saw the quiet knight Sir Xavier, fingers and all still intact.
“Xavier, the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!”
But alas, Sir Xavier was speechless.
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