A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

So the couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.

The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.”

Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.”
The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?”
The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon.”

“””””

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One morning at the research lab, an assistant accidentally left a cage open while cleaning and a little bunny rabbit escaped when he wasn’t looking. The little bunny rabbit followed the assistant out of the room, down the hallway, and right out the door.

The little bunny rabbit looked around in amazement; he’d been born in a cage, he’d never seen the outside before! He hopped over onto the grass, feeling it under his little bunny feet for the first time. He hopped down into a meadow, bewildered at all the new experiences: the grass, the blue sky, the fresh air…
“Hiya, pal! You’re new around here!” The little bunny rabbit turned at the sound to see another little bunny rabbit. This meadow bunny didn’t look sickly like the other bunnies in the lab, though. He looked strong and healthy.

“Y-yes, I, uh, just got here.”

The meadow bunny smiled and said, “Well, come with me, pal. I’ll show you around!” He led the little bunny rabbit to a wide field that was covered in small purple flowers. “This is our clover field, help yourself and eat as much as you’d like.”

Hesitantly, the little bunny rabbit took a bite. It was delicious! “Oh, my! This is so much better than the pellets they fed me in the lab!” He ate and ate until he could eat no more.

The meadow bunny said, “I’ll bet you’re thirsty! Come on, let’s get you a drink.” He led the little bunny rabbit to a burbling stream. “As you can see, the water never stops. Whenever you’re thirsty, come and drink all you’d like.”

The little bunny rabbit took a drink. It was the sweetest water he’d ever tasted! “My,” said the little bunny rabbit. “This water is so refreshingly cold, and it doesn’t taste like plastic!” He drank until his thirst was quenched.

“Come with me,” said the meadow bunny. “I want to introduce you to everyone.” And he led the little bunny rabbit to a clearing where dozens of girl bunnies leaped about and played. He introduced the little bunny rabbit to the girl bunnies, who all were very excited to meet him. And so that is how the little bunny rabbit spent his first afternoon of freedom: eating sweet clover, drinking cold fresh water, and frolicking with the girl bunnies.

The western sky was reddening and the shadows of the trees were stretching long across the clearing when the meadow bunny hopped up to the little bunny rabbit and said, “Friend, you look tired! Come with me and I’ll show you where you can sleep.”

The little bunny rabbit said, “Thank you, new friend. You and all the others have been very kind, but I must go now.”

Astonished, the meadow bunny said, “But– why?”
“I gotta get back to the lab,” said the little bunny rabbit. “I’m dyin’ for a smoke.”

“””””

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A lawyer calls up a plumber to come out to his house. The plumber takes a look and says, OK, I can fix it today, and it will be $800.

The lawyer raises an eyebrow and asks, how long will it take? The plumber responds, “well, I need about an hour round trip to the supply house for a part, and then it should take me about an hour for the repair”

The lawyer smirks and says, “two hours? For $800? Thats $400 per hour! I’m a lawyer and my hourly rate is $350 / hour!”

The plumber nods and says, “yes, sir, I understand. Why is it you think I gave up my law practice?”

“””””

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A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner hat he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the pub for a drink with him.

So he asked the centipede in the box, “Would you like to go down the pub with me today? We will have a good time.”

But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again,”How about going down the pub with me ?”

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.

This time he put his face up against the centipede ‘ s box and shouted, “Hey, in there! Would you like to go to the pub with me? …..

This time, a little voice came out of the box, ”I heard you the first time! I ‘m putting my f—ing shoes on!”

“””””

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