Two men are working by the side of the road.
One digs a hole and the other fills it back up.
They do this several times until an old lady, who has been watching them, comes over and asks “What in the world are you two doing?”
One of the workers replies, “We work for the city, the guy that plants the trees is off sick today.”
——-
.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com
A guy gets sent to prison. His first day in the yard they are told to walk in a circle, no talking allowed between the prisoners. After a few minutes somebody yells “16” and the whole yard errupts with laughter. They continue walking in circles when someone else shouts out “54” and again everybody starts dying laughing. The new guy, being confused, whispers to the guy in front, “Hey whats with the numbers?” The other prisoner tells him , “well since we arent allowed to speak to one another we’ve memorized jokes and assigned numbers to them all. When somebody shouts out a number, we think of the joke and then laugh”.
“Finally the new guy decides to make his mark, “18” he yells…and the entrie courtyard bursts into laughter! People rolling on the ground, tears streaming, and uncontrollable laughter.
When everything calmed down, the new guy asked the man in front of him, “Why did everyone laugh so much harder at that one?”
The convict replies, “We’ve never heard that one before!”
“““““
.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com
So a three masted sailing ship is leaving port. Just a day out of port the captain is standing on the deck when the lookout calls down “Sir! There’s an enemy ship on the horizon!”
The captain turns to his cabin boy and shouts “Bring me my red shirt!”
After the cabin boy brings him the red shirt and he puts it on, the two ships close to fighting range and fight all day, with many heroics on both sides, but with the captain and his red shirt standing alive and victorious as the other ship sinks behind them in the sunset light.
Later that night the cabin boy is curious and asks the captain why he needed his red shirt, and the captain replies “Well, with my red shirt on, none of the men would see me bleeding if I was wounded, and so they would not lose heart and continue to fight on to victory!”
The cabin boy thinks that’s pretty clever and goes to bed for the night.
The next day, the captain is standing on the deck as they sail along when the lookout shouts down “Sir! Twenty enemy ships on the horizon!”
And the captain turns to his cabin boy and says “Bring me my brown pants!”
“““““
.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com
So a man is driving home from a business trip. He has a pretty low paying job, so obviously he doesn’t have the best of cars.
After a few hours of driving, he drives past a monastery. That kind with all the monks.
And holy crap, his car breaks down right in front of the monastery.
Being a man of God, he obviously figures, “I bet the monks will let me stay with them while my car is repaired.” So he goes to the front gate and knocks on the door. A man in robes answers. He tells the monk his predicament and the monk, being a monk, lets him stay the night, and even helps with repair costs for his car.
While the business man is sleeping that night, he hears this strange noise. It just perplexes him, and for the life of him, he can’t figure out what it is. He decides when he wakes up in the morning, he’ll ask the monks about it.
When he wakes up, he finds the monk who he met when his car first broke down, and asks him, “Can you tell me what that noise I heard was last night?”
The monk replies, “I’m sorry, brother. I cannot tell you, for you are not a monk.” The man accepts this. He thanks the monks for their graciousness, and goes about his way when he gets his car back. 3 years later, he is driving on another buisness trip. And wouldn’t you know it, his car breaks down in front of the monastery again.
Again, he figures, he can stay the night. And, of course, the monks let him stay and offer him the same help as before.
And once again, during the night, he hears that noise. He has no idea what it could be. He decides to ask the monk once again, with hopes that he would trust him more this time around. In the morning he meets the monk again, and asks, “I’m sorry for asking again, but what is that noise!?”
The monk replies, “I cannot tell you, for you are not a monk.”
The man says, “Alright! I’ll become a monk! What do I need to do!?”
The monk replies, “I need you to travel the world, and count every blade of grass if you truly wish to become a monk.”
The man swiftly accepts and leaves all of his worldly possessions behind him to travel the world on this mission.
He goes to all corners of the globe counting grass blades.
After 50 years, he comes back to the monastery. He gives the monk accurate numbers and the monks give him monk-hood. And obviously, the first thing he wants to do is find out what that noise was. So he asks the head monk.
The head monk beckons him to follow him and he does. After a few minutes of walking through corridors and rooms, they happen upon a wooden door.
The man can hear the noise. He gets excited. The head monk hands him a brass key. He reaches with the key to the lock, and unlocks the door.
There is another door though. This time iron. And the monk hands him an iron key.
This happens again and again. So many types of doors and keys. Every thing you could imagine. Glass doors, gold doors. Everything
Finally, they get to a door made of solid diamond. The noise is louder than ever. The monk hands the man the final key.
He opens the door and finally sees what has been making the noise.
But I can’t tell you what it is, because you aren’t a monk.
“““““
.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com