Joke of the Day: Paddy has a broken leg

Paddy has a broken leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.

Mick says, “How ya doin?”

Paddy says, “Okay, but do me a favor mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, my feet are freezing.”

Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy’s gorgeous twin daughters lying on the bed.

He says, “Your dad sent me up here to have sex with you both.”

They say, “Get away with ya… prove it.”

Mick shouts downstairs, “Paddy, both of them?”

Paddy shouts back, “Of course both of them, whats the point of f*ckin one?”

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Joke of the Day: Let him do what he wants

A kid is walking down the street with a jar of money and dragging along a dead frog on a string.

He walks into a whorehouse. He sets the jar of money on the counter and proclaims to a woman in the lobby “I want to have sex with the dirtiest, nastiest woman you have here.” She glares at him and replies “get outta here. you’re too young to be here.” The kid retorts, pointing at the jar and says “look, lady- I’m paid. Let me do what I want.”

She agrees, and points him towards a door down the hall. “Meet Helen, she’s a veteran.” He does the deed and walks out of the room, still zipping up. The lady in the lobby asks him if he realizes the consequences of his actions. He replies, “Yes. I came here hoping for an STD, and I’ve gotten what I wanted.” Confused, she asks him why.

He replies,

“My mom and dad are on vacation. When I get home, the babysitter is going to have sex with me. That’s what she’s into. She’s going to get an STD. When mom and dad get home, mom will go to the grocery store and dad will have sex with the babysitter. He will have an STD. Once mom gets home, she will have sex with dad and SHE will get an STD. When dad leaves for work in the morning, mom is going to have sex with the Mailman… and HE’s the bastard who ran over my frog.”

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Joke of the Day: Tribal Wisdom

It was autumn, and members of a Native American Indian tribe asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a new Chief in a modern society and had never been taught the old secrets of Nature, he looked up at the sky and had no clue what to do. To play it safe, he replied to his tribe that the winter could definitely be cold and that they should collect firewood early, just to be prepared. So, the members began gathering wood.

Being a practical leader, he figured he should also use the resources available to the modern society. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, “Will this winter be cold?”

“As of now, it looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,” the forecaster said.

So the Chief went back to his tribe and told them to collect even more wood. A week later he called the National Weather Service again and asked for an update.

“Yes,” the man at National Weather Service again replied, “based on incoming data, this winter is looking to be colder than we expected.” The Chief was surprised, but again went back to his tribe, told them that this might be a very cold winter, and asked them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.

One week later, the Chief called the National Weather Service yet again, hoping for a new answer. “Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?”

“Positive,” the man replied. “It’s going to be one of the coldest winters ever.”

“Really?” the shocked Chief exclaimed. “How can you be so sure?”

“First,” the forecaster replied, “The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Joke of the Day: Prostate Exam

A man goes to the doctor for his first prostate exam. While the Doctor is performing the exam, he says to the patient, ” Don’t be embarassed, its common for men to get an erection during this part of the exam”.

The patient answers “I don’t have an erection”

The Doctor replies “I’m sorry i was talking to myself”

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