Three cowboys are settling down after a long day herding cattle.

The first cowboy says, “You know, it takes a real man’s man to do this job. I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why? just the other day a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns, with my bare hands.”

The second cowboy not to be outdone, shakes his head and replies, “You think that’s tough? Why, I was walking down the trail yesterday and a 15 foot long rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands and bit its head off and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I’m still here today!”

The first and second cowboy glance over expectantly at the third cowboy, but he just smiles and says nothing, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.

“””””

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A perfectly normal couple has a baby, but, very unexpectedly, the baby is born without arms. Or legs. Or even a body. It’s just a head…

Nevertheless, the couple embrace their roles as parents and, as unusual as it is, they raise their baby, trying to make his life as normal as possible. Obviously, it’s a struggle, but they manage… and they love and treat their son like any other normal kid. Well, as much as possible.

On the day of their son’s 21st birthday, the father decides to take his son for his first official real drink as an adult. So they go to the local pub, where the father proudly puts the head on the bar and orders two shots of the finest. The bartender can’t believe what he’s seeing, but goes and gets the drinks.
The father takes the drinks, cheers the glasses together, and takes down his shot while pouring it into his son’s mouth. Lo and behold, the head starts wiggling and shaking and suddenly, dramatically, it sprouts an entire torso!!

“What the hell!?”, screams the dad… “Bartender!! Two more shots!!”

And they do it again, and the torso and head start wiggling and shaking and BOOM, the son sprouts two arms!!
“Unbelievable!!”, screams the dad… “Two more shots!!!”

And this time, of course, the son, delirious with happiness, does his own shot… and the subsequent shaking and wiggling leads to him instantly sprouting two legs!!

“Two more shots!!”, screams the dad!!

“Holy shit!! Wait!!”, screams the son, “Look! I can walk!! I can run!!” — and with that, the son goes running out the door, straight into traffic, and gets obliterated by a bus.

“Hmmm… “, says the bartender… “Should’ve quit while he was a head.”

“””””

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“This term,” said the English teacher, “we will be studying ‘The Canterbury Tales’ ”

“But,” she added, “to anticipate a question I get every year — this will not include The Nun’s Priest’s Tale”

“Why not?” asked one of the pupils. The teacher’s features shaped themselves into an expression of sour disapproval.

“Because,” she answered, “The Nun’s Priest’s Tale is lascivious, licentious, and utterly improper, especially for people your age. Now please open your copies to the General Prologue, and we will begin with that.”

Next lesson, the teacher said, “Please open your ‘Canterbury Tales’ to The Nun’s Priest’s Tale, which I am assuming you have all read by now…?”

“””””

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A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.
The officer wants to ask her a few questions…
Officer:
– “What’s 2+2”?
Blonde:
– “Ummmmm… 4!”
Officer:
– “What’s the square root of 100?”
Blonde:
– “Ummmm… 10!”
Officer:
– “Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?”
Blonde:
– “Ummmm… I dunno”.
Officer:
– “Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.”
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.
The blonde says, excitedly,
– “Not only did I get the job, I’m already working on a murder case!”
“””””

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