Joke of the Day: Wishes

Dougly walks into a bar, when he comes inside he sees Carl sitting by the bar wearing a huge watch, which is way to big to be comfortable.

Dougly walks up to him and says “hey Carl, where the hell did you get that watch?”

Carl points into the corner and says “do you see the old man sitting in the corner there?”

“Yeah” says Dougly

“well, he can grant wishes” Carl

Dougly gets all excited “like real wishes?”

Carl says “yes, but…”

but Dougly is exited and doesn’t let Carl finish, runs to the old man sitting in the corner and asks him “do you grant wishes?”

“yes, one wish per person” says the old man

“all right, I wish that my pockets were always full of money” and suddenly Dougly’s pockets start bulging out.

Dougly runs to the bar and says the bartender “bartender, get me 2 beers, 2 shots of tequila and a bottle of whiskey”

Dougly then reaches into his pockets for his money, but it isn’t money, it’s all gooey “this is honey, but I asked for money”

then Carl says “Do you think I asked for a 12″ inch long clock?”

“““““

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Joke of the Day: Three Firefighters

Three firefighters went out on a hunting trip. There was a rookie, a captain, and a chief. The weather was miserable and they hadn’t seen any deer all day. Finally they came across an old shack where they went inside to play a game of poker.

After loosing a couple of hands, rookie threw down his cards and said “That does it! I am going out to get me a deer.”

Fifteen minutes later, the rookie came back with a nice four point buck. The captain and the chief asked, “How did you get that?”

The rookie replied, “I walked out fifty feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck.” The captain then said, “I’ve had enough of this I am going to get my deer.” He came back a half hour later with a 6 point buck.

The chief asked, “How did you get that?” The captain then replied, I walked out a hundred feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck.

The chief not wanting to be out done said, “I’m out of here, I’m going to bag the biggest buck of the day.” He came back an hour later, all mangled up and bloody. The rookie and the captain asked, “What happened to you?”

The chief replied, “I walked out there five hundred feet, followed some tracks, and got hit by a TRAIN!

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Joke of the Day: Two Whales

Two whales were swimming together in the Pacific Ocean when they come across a whaling vessel.

One whale looks to the other and says “we should swim under it and blow our air out, and hopefully the boat will capsize!”

The second whale agrees, thinking that every whaler deserves a fate like that, so they swim under the boat, and exhale as hard as they can.

The boat tips over and all the men on board are stranded, floating I the water.

The first whale then says “we should eat these sailors so they don’t ever even have the chance to hunt another one of us again!”

The second whale, with a look of disgust on her face, replies “Look. I went ahead with the blowjob, but there is no WAY you’re going to get me to eat the seamen!”

^^^^^^

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Joke of the Day: Garden of Eden

God sees Adam in the Garden of Eden and asks him how things are going with him and Eve.

“Great!” Says Adam. “We just finished having sex! Sex is wonderful!”

God asks, “Speaking of Eve, where is she?”.

To that Adam Replies “Oh, she’s down at the beach washing up.”

God is furious. “WHAT? NOW I’LL NEVER GET THAT SMELL OFF OF THE FISH!”

“““““

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